LOVE--My message today
I preached a message about LOVE today. It's kind of strange that I would preach about something that I feel has been something that I have dealt with all my life.
There have been many poems, books, stories etc. written about love and the lack thereof and, the impact it has on people's lives.
I guess if I was questioned as to whether I was guilty of love, I would have to plead "guilty as charged. You see, all through my young years, teen years, and even through my first marriage, I have never experienced love. I knew my parents loved me but, as I have stated before, my twin was my mother's favored son. I never measured up and I was asked many times, by my mother "why can't you be like your brother"? When I married at 19, my wife was 6 months pregnant by someone else. I was still a virgin. Our marriage was a farce and she never loved me. It ended 8-1/2 years later.
After I became a Christian in 1973, I felt loved by one person, Jesus. I had been a Biker, an alcoholic, and a drug user. I had hurt a lot of people in my biker years and I felt no-one had ever loved me and and felt no-one ever could or would.
Because of my desire to be loved, I started reaching out to people to show them love. I have done this now for over 37 years. Some see this as just BS and some have rejected me altogether. Some have accepted me as a changed man from what I once was. I came here to DS about 3 years ago. I knew no-one here. I just ran across this site while trying to find out about depression. I joined and, for a long time, I had no friends at all. One by one, a few asked for friendship, which I accepted and some refused my request for friendship and that was ok. That is their choice and right. I began sharing my life, and my sincere love for some here and I began to get hurt very deeply by those I tried to help. Some of my friends just left. closed their accounts and never even said goodbye. This hurt me deeply. Still, because of LOVE, I kept reaching out to others. Sharing my experiences in life, my sadness, my rejection, and some accepted me while others were intimidated by me, either because I was an ex-biker or because I am a preacher. I have been told by some that preachers aren't welcome here on DS. Just because I am a preacher, doesn't make me perfect or sinless and because of that, I have never been judgmental of anyone here.
I became very close to a few here. I allowed them to see the real inside of me, which for years, I never allowed because of my biker past. I began to feel loved and accepted and I promised these friends, that I would never leave them, judge them or, abandon them. Through these friend's hardships, sadness, alone times. and trials of life. I have been there for them, no matter what the circumstances. I never came down on them, I just tried to help them and show them true, genuine, heart felt love. I made a promise that I would never abandon them and I have kept that promise. I am a man of my word and just like I told my friend Jim, who just passed away. I said "Jim, I will be here for you, no matter what the result of this is, good or bad. I was with him through the diagnosis, I was with him and took him to his radiation treatments. I visited him at his home and had prayer with him when he became homebound and, I was there to have prayer with him 10 minutes before he died and I was there for his memorial service too. I kept my promise.
I am a survivor of many hardships in life. Rejection has been my worst enemy, and it still is today. There are many "friends" listed on my profile page and some are mostly acquaintances that have met me here due to some posting I have made or a comment I have shared. There are a few who I have a very close tie with and those who I truly love, from my heart,and you know who you are.
I know, I am old, and old isn't too popular anymore but, LOVE never grows old and just because I am old doesn't mean I have forgotten what love is or that my heart can't truly love anymore. Sometimes, there are those who may tire of my long messages, my poems, or my journal entries. but, my fingers type what my heart feels and for that, I do not apologize. Whether we agree or disagree on things, doesn't matter to me. If I say "I love you". It is sincere, genuine and heartfelt and just as we think of love in the world today, you can either accept my love or reject it. Either way, I still love. Some may understand this, some may not but, to quote Forrest Gump' "That's all I am going to say about that"!
There have been many poems, books, stories etc. written about love and the lack thereof and, the impact it has on people's lives.
I guess if I was questioned as to whether I was guilty of love, I would have to plead "guilty as charged. You see, all through my young years, teen years, and even through my first marriage, I have never experienced love. I knew my parents loved me but, as I have stated before, my twin was my mother's favored son. I never measured up and I was asked many times, by my mother "why can't you be like your brother"? When I married at 19, my wife was 6 months pregnant by someone else. I was still a virgin. Our marriage was a farce and she never loved me. It ended 8-1/2 years later.
After I became a Christian in 1973, I felt loved by one person, Jesus. I had been a Biker, an alcoholic, and a drug user. I had hurt a lot of people in my biker years and I felt no-one had ever loved me and and felt no-one ever could or would.
Because of my desire to be loved, I started reaching out to people to show them love. I have done this now for over 37 years. Some see this as just BS and some have rejected me altogether. Some have accepted me as a changed man from what I once was. I came here to DS about 3 years ago. I knew no-one here. I just ran across this site while trying to find out about depression. I joined and, for a long time, I had no friends at all. One by one, a few asked for friendship, which I accepted and some refused my request for friendship and that was ok. That is their choice and right. I began sharing my life, and my sincere love for some here and I began to get hurt very deeply by those I tried to help. Some of my friends just left. closed their accounts and never even said goodbye. This hurt me deeply. Still, because of LOVE, I kept reaching out to others. Sharing my experiences in life, my sadness, my rejection, and some accepted me while others were intimidated by me, either because I was an ex-biker or because I am a preacher. I have been told by some that preachers aren't welcome here on DS. Just because I am a preacher, doesn't make me perfect or sinless and because of that, I have never been judgmental of anyone here.
I became very close to a few here. I allowed them to see the real inside of me, which for years, I never allowed because of my biker past. I began to feel loved and accepted and I promised these friends, that I would never leave them, judge them or, abandon them. Through these friend's hardships, sadness, alone times. and trials of life. I have been there for them, no matter what the circumstances. I never came down on them, I just tried to help them and show them true, genuine, heart felt love. I made a promise that I would never abandon them and I have kept that promise. I am a man of my word and just like I told my friend Jim, who just passed away. I said "Jim, I will be here for you, no matter what the result of this is, good or bad. I was with him through the diagnosis, I was with him and took him to his radiation treatments. I visited him at his home and had prayer with him when he became homebound and, I was there to have prayer with him 10 minutes before he died and I was there for his memorial service too. I kept my promise.
I am a survivor of many hardships in life. Rejection has been my worst enemy, and it still is today. There are many "friends" listed on my profile page and some are mostly acquaintances that have met me here due to some posting I have made or a comment I have shared. There are a few who I have a very close tie with and those who I truly love, from my heart,and you know who you are.
I know, I am old, and old isn't too popular anymore but, LOVE never grows old and just because I am old doesn't mean I have forgotten what love is or that my heart can't truly love anymore. Sometimes, there are those who may tire of my long messages, my poems, or my journal entries. but, my fingers type what my heart feels and for that, I do not apologize. Whether we agree or disagree on things, doesn't matter to me. If I say "I love you". It is sincere, genuine and heartfelt and just as we think of love in the world today, you can either accept my love or reject it. Either way, I still love. Some may understand this, some may not but, to quote Forrest Gump' "That's all I am going to say about that"!
Replies