LOVE, LOVING AGAIN, & SENSITIVITIES
I am writing this entry in my journal, as my comments will undoubtedly be taken as incendiary and not conducive to the continued state of grieving embraced within the Widows & Widowers Group here at Daily Strength.
A little over one month ago, a heated discussion about religion and grieving was stirred up when one member who is an atheist lamented the fact that he felt as though the comments made in an effort to help him grieve had the opposite effect on him when the comments referred to a faith based context. Some 115 comments resulted and many good people expressed their feelings on one side of the issue or the other.
In an effort to remedy the bad feelings, I founded a new discussion group called “Widows & Widowers of Faith” as a means for those of us who have a relationship with God to freely express ourselves without any controversy. My efforts were met with a fair amount of mockery, criticism and outright hostility. I was accused of trying to split the group and/or caving in to the wishes of the atheist. This was never my intention, and the 72 members of the new group continue to contribute to the main group in addition to the faith based one.
In any event, my feelings were hurt, and I felt as though the Widows & Widowers group had become less than helpful to me. Just the other day, I began to contribute to the main group again, and at the encouragement of some members, I had decided to rejoin in the dialog there.
The other day I wrote in my journal for the first time in nearly a month. Towards the end of my entry, I indicated that I was embarking on a new relationship with a lovely woman who I met on this site. Having had no previous intentions of doing so, Elizabeth and I have developed a bond that we both find to be a blessing from God Himself. We are committed to furthering our relationship, and as a result, I am relocating to Texas.
As things would have it, I was meandering through the discussion posts on the W&W group, when lo & behold, what should I find but a new discussion mocking and criticizing those who have chosen to move forward and accept a new partner to share life's pleasures and heartaches with. The poster pontificates that: “I get really angry when people talk about how you can find another man and behappy again”....Followed by: “How can we say we valued the relationship if we just get over it in a hurry and get a new Ken doll?” She then posted a follow up to add further insult:
“Thanks for all your comments. I can understand different points of view. But to slam someone's beliefs is so hurtful. Only God knows what is best for me and I will spend my life seeking it. I might consider another man if I come home some afternoon, unlock the door, and there on the sofa is a man holding a sign that says, "God sent me." Then I would have a pretty good clue as to what God wanted for me.”
Now I realize that I may be ultra sensitive with my feelings once again, and I am sure that the poster was not personally attacking me, but with one or two exceptions, the prevailing attitude at the W&W discussion group seems to be one in which folks are more comfortable remaining in their grief as opposed to accepting a new direction, should that opportunity arise. I, of course, have no problem with this. Why then, is there so much mockery and disdain for those of us who choose a different path?
As many of us have previously addressed this issue over the past several months, I am finding it very unsettling when people post without consideration for the feelings of other members of this group. As has been repeatedly stated, we are all grieving the loss of our spouses. To denigrate my grief or insinuate that I lack commitment to my wife as evidenced by my entering into a new relationship is very insensitive, hurtful and ignorant. And I resent it.
That being said, I do want to take this opportunity to thank all of my good friends here who have extended their blessings and best wishes on my decision to seek happiness in my life. I appreciate you all more than you will ever know. And for those of you who are offended by or lack the understanding or willingness to support my decision, I simply say that you are certainly free to feel the way that you do. I will continue to pray for your happiness and hope you will lead full and rewarding lives. Grief is like a fingerprint. We are all unique in this regard.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and thank you for being my friend.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOqyygAQSX0
Thank you for being a friendTraveled down the road and back againyour heart is true you're a pal and a confidantI'm not ashamed to sayI hope it always will stay this wayMy hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bowAnd if you threw a partyInvited everyone you knewYou would see, the biggest gift would be from meand the card attached would say,Thank you for being a friendIf it's a car you lackI'd surely buy you a cadillacWhatever you need, anytime of the day or nightI'm not ashamed to sayI hope it always will stay this wayMy hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bowAnd when we both get olderWith walking canes and hair of grayHave no fear, even though it's hard to hearI will stand real close and say,Thank you for being a friendAnd when we die and float awayInto the night, the Milky WayYou'll hear me call, as we ascend I'll see you there, then once againThank you for being a friendI wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friendThank you for being a friend
A little over one month ago, a heated discussion about religion and grieving was stirred up when one member who is an atheist lamented the fact that he felt as though the comments made in an effort to help him grieve had the opposite effect on him when the comments referred to a faith based context. Some 115 comments resulted and many good people expressed their feelings on one side of the issue or the other.
In an effort to remedy the bad feelings, I founded a new discussion group called “Widows & Widowers of Faith” as a means for those of us who have a relationship with God to freely express ourselves without any controversy. My efforts were met with a fair amount of mockery, criticism and outright hostility. I was accused of trying to split the group and/or caving in to the wishes of the atheist. This was never my intention, and the 72 members of the new group continue to contribute to the main group in addition to the faith based one.
In any event, my feelings were hurt, and I felt as though the Widows & Widowers group had become less than helpful to me. Just the other day, I began to contribute to the main group again, and at the encouragement of some members, I had decided to rejoin in the dialog there.
The other day I wrote in my journal for the first time in nearly a month. Towards the end of my entry, I indicated that I was embarking on a new relationship with a lovely woman who I met on this site. Having had no previous intentions of doing so, Elizabeth and I have developed a bond that we both find to be a blessing from God Himself. We are committed to furthering our relationship, and as a result, I am relocating to Texas.
As things would have it, I was meandering through the discussion posts on the W&W group, when lo & behold, what should I find but a new discussion mocking and criticizing those who have chosen to move forward and accept a new partner to share life's pleasures and heartaches with. The poster pontificates that: “I get really angry when people talk about how you can find another man and behappy again”....Followed by: “How can we say we valued the relationship if we just get over it in a hurry and get a new Ken doll?” She then posted a follow up to add further insult:
“Thanks for all your comments. I can understand different points of view. But to slam someone's beliefs is so hurtful. Only God knows what is best for me and I will spend my life seeking it. I might consider another man if I come home some afternoon, unlock the door, and there on the sofa is a man holding a sign that says, "God sent me." Then I would have a pretty good clue as to what God wanted for me.”
Now I realize that I may be ultra sensitive with my feelings once again, and I am sure that the poster was not personally attacking me, but with one or two exceptions, the prevailing attitude at the W&W discussion group seems to be one in which folks are more comfortable remaining in their grief as opposed to accepting a new direction, should that opportunity arise. I, of course, have no problem with this. Why then, is there so much mockery and disdain for those of us who choose a different path?
As many of us have previously addressed this issue over the past several months, I am finding it very unsettling when people post without consideration for the feelings of other members of this group. As has been repeatedly stated, we are all grieving the loss of our spouses. To denigrate my grief or insinuate that I lack commitment to my wife as evidenced by my entering into a new relationship is very insensitive, hurtful and ignorant. And I resent it.
That being said, I do want to take this opportunity to thank all of my good friends here who have extended their blessings and best wishes on my decision to seek happiness in my life. I appreciate you all more than you will ever know. And for those of you who are offended by or lack the understanding or willingness to support my decision, I simply say that you are certainly free to feel the way that you do. I will continue to pray for your happiness and hope you will lead full and rewarding lives. Grief is like a fingerprint. We are all unique in this regard.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and thank you for being my friend.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOqyygAQSX0
Thank you for being a friendTraveled down the road and back againyour heart is true you're a pal and a confidantI'm not ashamed to sayI hope it always will stay this wayMy hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bowAnd if you threw a partyInvited everyone you knewYou would see, the biggest gift would be from meand the card attached would say,Thank you for being a friendIf it's a car you lackI'd surely buy you a cadillacWhatever you need, anytime of the day or nightI'm not ashamed to sayI hope it always will stay this wayMy hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bowAnd when we both get olderWith walking canes and hair of grayHave no fear, even though it's hard to hearI will stand real close and say,Thank you for being a friendAnd when we die and float awayInto the night, the Milky WayYou'll hear me call, as we ascend I'll see you there, then once againThank you for being a friendI wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friendThank you for being a friend
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