Love and Hate
I'm so upset as my stbx right now - he wants the kids to live with him cause he wants to spent time with them, he wants to see them all the time not just sometimes - well fuck no. I'm the one that have been taking care of them, raising them, supporting them, when they cried I'm the one there, when he has broken their hearts I've been there to pick up the pieces and now he would like them to live with him cause he wants to mend the fact that he has emotionally neglected them for the last few years???!!!!! I'm not against him spending time with them, seeing them, sleeping over, those are his children but why does he thinks he has the right to ask me to raise them now?!!! Cause he misses them??!! Well is to fuc.....ing late now, in a marriage you raise children together, divorce parents co-parent and he made that choice, it was his choice to break this family apart so now he has to live with the consequences of his actions. I know he love his kids and the kids totally adore him but he couldn't find the balance between work and family and as always I'm asked to make his life easier, well that is not my job anymore, he wants to see his kids and spend time with them he is going to have to work at it.
I dont know, maybe cause I'm upset, I think that was my ah-ha moment, I don't want to see him, I feel like I'm really done with him, maybe after I calm down I will feel different but right now I feel so done, ready to cut all emotional ties and move on. Can you love and hate somebody at the same time??? It feels like my love for him just dies a little bit everyday, a little bit is killed with some of his words. Ummm.......Sighs.....what does the future have in store for me. I'm so sick of this BS and I really wanted it over already.
I dont know, maybe cause I'm upset, I think that was my ah-ha moment, I don't want to see him, I feel like I'm really done with him, maybe after I calm down I will feel different but right now I feel so done, ready to cut all emotional ties and move on. Can you love and hate somebody at the same time??? It feels like my love for him just dies a little bit everyday, a little bit is killed with some of his words. Ummm.......Sighs.....what does the future have in store for me. I'm so sick of this BS and I really wanted it over already.
Replies
I\'m so sorry your going through this, and yes you can love and hate someone at the same time. I do every day ....
I think your stbx is realizing what he has given up, I don\'t know your situation and how you got here, but he probably regrets walking away, and not getting to spend as much time with the kids as he would like. Sadly you will end up helping him to make it work, that\'s just what we as mom\'s do. HElp him find the balance between his new life, work and how he can fit the kids in. It can only help you in the end, if you don\'t have to fight over the kids.
(((HUGS))))
This is that time when people said to you \"One day he will regret it\", well. . .this is it !. You are very mad right now, but try not to start a war with him, because if you dont work this out, you will end up in court and thats no fair for anyone. One of you have to be calm, and please be you !
i truely hope you have had your moment. that doesn\'t mean you wont still have bad moments or days... i don\'t think... but maybe now you will be able to find some peace.
(((HUGS)))
He apologized today for trying to \"take\" the kids away. He said it wasnt his intention (after he pissed me off!!). I think burnt might be right - he don\'t regret the separation but he might regret not getting to spend as much time with the kids as he would like. I dont want to fight and Peter I did stay calmed but I told him some truths that he didnt want to hear. I want the kids to see his father but I\'m not bending over backwards like I did when were together. I told him a million times that he needed to work in the relationship with his children and he didnt \"hear\" me. It is his job now to find time to see his children. And memory I got some of my ah-ha moment but still a long way to go. Ahhhhhh I really hate this situation!!!!!!
Before reading your own comment, I thought this sounds like just plain bullying and trying to get you on edge. My STBX also one time said \'\'so you have just decided that you will keep all 3 yourself?\'\' I had a whole bunch of stuff swirling through my mind. I did not comment on any of that except to say \'\'you can battle me in court for primary custody of the children, if you wish.\'\' For my STBX I knew he was just talking and had no intention of taking care of the children full time.
Getting angry is positive. Sometimes it can help bring absolute clarity to your thinking. How you react--well you are learning that daily. Eventually you get to the point where you can deal with him in the same manner you deal with a co-worker!
((((HUGS))))
I honestly dont know if he can even take care of them full time, maybe the desire is there but I dont think he can, well I\'m sure he can but he will have to learn and remember a lot - he has never kept the kids on his own longer than a few days.