Lost without words

I just lost an other friend... I had no problem with people smoking weed if they want to untill I was given my gs and gd. My daughter has to stop smoking weed or on Nov 17th she will lose her kids. so my friend who's husband smokes bought their tickets to come out and after I said no weed, they have now decided not to come out... I was told because I have a lot on my plate with the kids and he didn't want to temp my daughter. This isn't new news they knew what I was going through before they called to say they wanted to come out and here are the dates.What makes me so up-set is that if it was their adult child and I smoked weed... I'd go without! I guess what also upsets me is the fact we've been friends for over 20 years, and with the BS I'm going through, I just wanted my friend here. I'm crying my eyes out, because I needed a physical hug and reassurance that everything will be ok.   I looked in the mirror a few days ago and said out loud I need a hug! There was no one who heard me! I'm suppose to take on the three kids, work, house, bills and lets not forget the added stuff like courts, dr appt, CPS meetings, daughter and being a wife.
I have so much built up inside of me... I have tried to talk it out with my husband...I get the "it doesn't go unnoticed". What the hell is that suppose to mean! Then I get the "I'm sorry if I pissed you off".  So let me see if I can get this out now, anyone who reads this tell me if I'm normal or it's time to get professional help!
My adult son doesn't want to raise his child because his new wife doesn't want to. My Gd was 5 when we got her, she is now 11. My Gd mother was found two years ago using meth...a week before she was suppose to get custody again. I was told by the ex-daughter in-law that my Gd has it better with me than with her. Yet my ex-daughter-in- law is working very hard with CPS to get her son back. How does this make my Gd feel when she sees her Mom working on getting brother back, but it's ok to stay with gramma.  My son wants us to adopt his daughter, so he can get out of paying child support to me.
My adult daughter has a 5 year old daughter and a 7mth old son. The day my Gs was to be taken home from the hospital CPS informs us that my daughter and grandson was possitive for Meth and Weed. Needless to say I took all home with me. My daughter has no problems with Meth anymore, but she won't leave the Weed alone. Come to find out the state I live in has a new law. My Gs will be up for adoption come Nov. 17th if my daughter doesn't clean up the weed problem.  Again I didn't have a problem with people smoking weed untill my daughters problem. I always said it's their deal, not something I do, but I'm not against weed again, untill this was put on my door step.. now I hate the stuff!
So we moved from upstate NY to AZ 17 years ago. It's harder to find friends when you get older. I made a few.
 Six years ago, I became a mom again and so much for the friends! PTA groups, nice people, but the age is still a factor. Not only for me, but my Gd! Play dates came and went when we wouldn't answer the personal questions as to why I have her and not her parents.  Even if I did answer...Who wouldn't question? Oh playmate parent, my Gd was molested by a 26 year old son of a baby sitter, her mom knew he was a registered sex affender but didn't think he'd hurt her little girl. Oh and my son, my gd dad, he's busy making a life with his new wife and doesn't want anything to do with his daughter. The few friends we had went on to travel and being able to just pick up and go somewhere anywhere since their kids are grown. Oh, they don't call us, they text us once in a while and ask if we want to go listen to some good music later that day.... Do you not know the words babysitter? Do you not remember planning a afternnon out takes time, not an hour? This is the friend who at least keeps in touch via text, but doesn't even know about what happened 7 months ago with my other Gd and Gs. 
I know the people I'm referring to as firends are not "Friends"  I think thats were I'm feeling like I'm in this all by myself. I'm not asking for someone to take on my burden. This is mine and I have to work it out the best I can. 
 I think about how come Nov. 17th I'm going to feel if A) 2 of the kids and going back with mom. or B) they get sent out for adoption. I've talked with my husband and told him if the adoption happenes, I can say I did my part.... I did what I needed to do. But at the same time inside, I'm saying I put 9 months into that baby. I bonded with that baby from the time of his birth!I have five years invested in my Gd, I was at her birth as well!  I'm on this ride my daughter put me on and I have no control over it's outcome...She is in the drivers seat...I don't trust her!
I think about maybe my Ex-daughter-in-law is right and my Gd does have it good with me.  My Ex is fighting to get her son back. what if I turn the tables and decide it's time for the courts to place my Gd in their care....Would my ex fight just as hard to get her daughter back as she is for her son? What if she doesn't? My Gd will not only have her Dad ditching her, her Mom not fighting hard enough for her and it wasn't her fault for getting molested.., but yet my Gd has had to lose as well. I'm her only stable person around, and if that's not a laughing joke right now based on what I'm typing out, what is?
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I thought this was a store from a TV show . I just want you to know if I lived close to you I would give you a hug until you said stop . My sister is rasieing her 3 grandkids . Her son won\'t help her at all he will get them on a weekend if he ain\'t got something he wamts to do . His ex- wife is bipoler she is in the state hosptlie . She want get out in along time . He works nights he has never has tried to get on days . When you say something to my sister she says don\'t tell my kids how to raise there kids . And it hurts to no end that she want step up and tell him they are your kids do the best you can .She also has a daughter that had 2 girls not being married and there dad anit no good either she does work and my sister has them on the weekends . I give te people that do this for there grandkids they are amazing people .You are in my prays and thoughts that ever thing works for you and they will be brighter days ahead for you it takes a strong woman to do this and you will be reward . Have a great week and keep the faith the lord loves you or he wouldn\'t give the strenght to do it . God Bless and be strong Darlene
nutsandbolts
nutsandbolts

yep..should I call springer or montel... LOL