Lost, Scared, and Lonely
I am really feeling lost the last couple of days. My pain levels are extremely high, and I just don't know what to do. I am allergic to the usual pain meds so it leaves me feeling even worse! I am so lonely. I lost my mom 6 months ago on Easter. She ended her own life, which leaves me feeling very very empty and lonely! I can't do this anymore. As I get weaker and weaker I want someone to care more and more.
For all those who don't already know, I have a punctured lung from abuse when I was younger from my father, but it has gotten worse and worse and is now impacting ever single aspect of my life, and I am on oxygen nearly all day everyday. It is really hard because I also have stomach ulcers that are no cancerous, and even touching the side of my stomach causes me to vomit and gag. Some days I just long for someone to hear my cry or come over to hold my bucket as I am sick again. I also have started to have head aches all the time and they think it may be a brain tumor, and they are going to start testing on Monday.
This Easter season I am finding it harder and harder to keep going, and feeling more and more suicidual as my days go on, and I have felt like cutting, and honestly if I don't have you guys I won't last much longer. Please don't leave me.
For all those who don't already know, I have a punctured lung from abuse when I was younger from my father, but it has gotten worse and worse and is now impacting ever single aspect of my life, and I am on oxygen nearly all day everyday. It is really hard because I also have stomach ulcers that are no cancerous, and even touching the side of my stomach causes me to vomit and gag. Some days I just long for someone to hear my cry or come over to hold my bucket as I am sick again. I also have started to have head aches all the time and they think it may be a brain tumor, and they are going to start testing on Monday.
This Easter season I am finding it harder and harder to keep going, and feeling more and more suicidual as my days go on, and I have felt like cutting, and honestly if I don't have you guys I won't last much longer. Please don't leave me.
Replies
Rachel, I am so sorry you are going through all of this.
Are you seeing any counselors or being treated for depression?
About the headaches, I had them every single day for over 30 years, so I know where you are coming from. Definitely get tested, but if you are in the clear, there are other possibilities. Three months ago I decided to wean myself off of the daily pain medications (up to 6 or 8 Excedrin every day). I read the medications can cause rebound headaches and the only way to break the cycle is to stop taking them. I got down to 1 or 2 325 mg. plain aspirins every day and after a few weeks, the headaches essentially stopped. 30 years of constant pain ended, just like that.
Although my pain is not as bad as you are going through, I\'m telling you my story to let you know there is hope that things can get better.
Rachel how are you today dear? I am praying for you daily and God\'s love surrounds you. He has given you the gift of life and planned a wonderful life for you alone as you are a beautiful and unique person who never was and never will be again on this earth. Do not cut when you feel like cutting do something else instead like writing in your journal. We all love you and are rooting for you honey. You will make it ... you can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens you .. for when you are weak then you are strong . Just lean completely on Jesus and He will do it all. love
YOU ARE NOT ALONE HERE YOU KNOW U CAN WRITE ME ANYTIME I WILL ANSWER U -- I WISH I HAD A LAP TOP WHEN I CAN\'T GET UP I WOULD STILL TRY TO BE HERE U KNOW THAT I KNOW WHAT UR GOING THRU.... I TOLD YOU MANY TIMES I WOULD NEVER LEAVE U & I MEAN THAT...
((((SOFT HUGSS))))......EASTER WAS VERY HARD ON ME TOO....