Lost my best friend

No he is alive. He just showed his true drunk colors for the last time. For 14 years I've been the brunt of all his verbal abuse, and eggshells I had to walk on everday. Doesn't matter how it ends does it its just done. Sad in pain and suffering of my own calling him to need compassion and understanding, and all he did was moke me for even bother to call. I am not going to react about anything right now. If I do I will not wake up tomorrow. No it is not the answer but that's what he told me to do tonight. He told his mother to just shoot herself, if your life is too painful. The next day she wrote a note on the door, Only police may enter. SHe put a pistol in her mouth and blew her brains all over the wall. Four years later he is drinking himself to death and tossing away a fourtune of his mother's money helping him do it along the way. If he quits drinking now, he might live another few years, but its a litter of whiskey and a case a day. I think I'm crying in relief that this man is out fo my life. If the fates make this continue I will peresh in depression and never heal on my own. I'm just feeling nothing feeling everything, the pain almost so unbearable I want to close my eyes run very fast, and not ever look back. No Running is never an answer. SO I write. I don't care if noone reads it or not but I obvoiously want my book published to let the world know what mental health consumers need to do to survive. I will teach them all that I will be survive. I will live I will breath, remember where I come from, and then breath again. I remember every rotten dark hallway I was stuck in from Kennedy Crisis in Cherry hill New Jersey to Hampton hospital (wonderfuly posh as the youngest teen, I was raather liked there.But often misbehaved ending up tied in restraints in white rooms with no windows. In the dark of night when Brisbane my next hospital stay comes in my mind, I think one more month then I'm 18 I will be an adult going to ancoraaha state psyciatriac. In my opionion this suffering and abuse was necessary in my life to  teach me to survive that no matter what I have a purpouse even if my only purpouse is to outsurvive. Outlive. Tell my tale.