Lost in the abyss

I am so at the end of my rope and things are changing beyond everything that I have come to know.
Just too much crap to try and relate here. Incompetent doctors, oblivious bureaucrats making arbitrary decisions that directly effect us. (my wife Deborah and me) Moronic relatives too self centered to give a damn. Nonchalant Home Care nurses who think they know best and refuse to acknowledge what went before. My wife need to travel 800 miles to a hospital that might be able to repair her problem that no one else around here seems to be able to know what to do with...... it only took them from Jan 3 2011 until now to figure that out...... along with failed attempts, wrong device insertion, not showing up for a week at a time, radiology techs deciding not to do an ultrasound like the doctor ordered and instead doing a CT scan only to have the doctor refuse the CT scan and re-order the ultra sound and then taking 2 weeks after that to get her back into radiology for her ultrasound.... and then the doctor doesn't come up with the results for another 5 days. The medical system here in Saskatchewan is in a total mess beyond hope! Plus now my wife's cat is sick and probably needs a vet. Deb's mom's boyfriend wrecked both his car and her car within a week and now they have no car so they can't come over to help or visit or garden or anything. My big van is running like a bunch of bolts whirling around inside a rusty can and is costing me outrageously with the way gas prices are right now. The carburetors junk and leaks gas. Tie rods are lose and it's a nightmare to drive the steering is so bad. I got some small odd jobs I have a hard time getting to because Deb needs me so much. I am having to learn how to give her I.V. medication to combat a serious infection and I have to learn how to do it because it needs to be administered every eight hours. It's fathers day.... I have 2 boys..... 23 and 25 now... they seem happy without me but I miss them so much I have a hole in my heart that can't be filled. Everything is my fault and I'm sick of being a scape goat for the ones who are really causing the grief. I have medical problems of my own, but they go unchecked because I just can't deal with it. My own doctor, who is really good, moved away and now I need to find a new one and there just isn't anything I have seen I like or trust. Deb needed to see her doctor and I phoned to get an appointment to see him on some urgent stuff........July 20 was his first available appointment.
This is becoming unbearable.



I am so sorry that you have so much to deal with. I don\'t do well when things pile up which is kinda where I am now. I wish I knew what to say to help you. All you can do is take one day at a time so it seems a bit more manageable and you have to take care of yourself. I don\'t know what happened with your boys, but maybe it\'s time to reach out to them. Don\'t assume that they are happy without you. You are their father and that is something I know that they think about.

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

well, here we are in September and me wife is back in the hospital again. Same problem no one seems to know what to do. No one has ever seen anything like this before. It\'s so depresssing.

Thanks for the comment puppy feet. You are a light in the darkness.

I hope and pray my wife survives to come home to me.