Lost in a fog

Feel like I am lost in a fog.  Really no where to go.  Still can't shake the feelings I have for Spanky.  I know deep down we were meant for eachother and feel that he will come back to me later on.  Have had 3 separate people that have "intuition and insight" tell me that he will come back.  Even after all the strange and crazy things he has done recently, I still WANT him back!  I just want him back right now and know that I can't have it that way.  He has to lose himself and the way he is right now on order to become a person to ask for help and want to love on another, higher level.  I have to strengthen myself and learn to love me before he can love me.  I'm just so lost on how to do it!!  My boss tells me all the time to relax and things will change for me.  How can I relax? I really don't know how!!  I'm too high strung and feel strung out because of it!!  I need my vacation in October and to meet new people and get out more.  Spank always told me to get out more.  Did he want me to meet lots of people so we can have lots of friends together and many outlets to go do things with?  He told me to date other guys- is he wanting me to move on to someone else or to date others in the meantime so when he comes back, I'll only want him from now on?  I'm so confused and stress out over it all!!!  I could use my pillow, a massuse and a margarita right now!!!  I hope this feeling doesn't last much longer.  I want to get stronger, if he comes back, I have to be there for him and his 4 beautiful children who I can't wait to do things with and love them to pieces!!!!  I am so ready for my relationship-my long term relationship- to start with him.  I just hope he can get well and want all of this too!