Lost hope
Well we received the infamous call this afternoon. I'm still in shock. I almost feel like it's a horrible dream. I truly thought at least one would make it but neither of them made it. Out of 34 eggs, we ended up with nothing. I was so happy and excited that we had finally started to take that first step towards this journey and it ended up in heartache. We have a doctor appt scheduled for Thursday to discuss our next steps but a part of me doesn't know if I want to do it again. How do you keep from giving up? When we started this, we originally thought it was just my dh but now we realize that it's me too. My eggs aren't maturing like they should, if that is the case I don't think IVF will work no matter how many times we do it. I know that some of you on here have gone through IVF more than once, how do you keep going? Am I selfish that I am scared to go through this again. Is there anything they can do to help my eggs mature?
I knew this wouldn't be easy but I never expected this as the end result.
I knew this wouldn't be easy but I never expected this as the end result.
Replies
I\'m so sorry to hear your last two didn\'t make it. I think it\'s too soon to know what is best for your next steps, but when you are ready your heart will tell you. You are not selfish at all no matter what you decide. I hope that you are well and know my thoughts are with you.
I\'m sorry to hear this, mj. My heart aches for you. I agree with MRS, that it is too soon to tell right now. You to deal with this blow first and decide what is the next step. As far as the eggs maturing, are you on any supplements? I heard that CO q10 can help with egg quality. I am sending you a big vitural hug from Ohio. I\'m thinking of you. Us, IF\'ers, are strong women, but sometimes it\'s hard to be.
For me personally, the keeping from giving up comes from wanting it more than my desire to give up. It also helps that my hubby and I are on the same page with things. We will be doing a fresh cycle IVF at the end of the month going into OCT and we have both mutually decided that this will be our last fresh cycle IVF try. (we will do FETs if embryos are frozen from this IVF) It\'s worth the happy ending and that\'s what keeps me going. (Including the amazing support of all the extraordinary women here in DS world too) MRS is correct: you will know what you can handle when the times comes for you to decide what your next step will be. And you will be ok with your choice for YOU and your personal baby journey. *HUG!!
You\'re at all selfish for not wanting to do this again! This an arduous, emotionally gut-wrenching process, and how long you go through this is entirely up to you. Go to your doctor\'s appointment, give yourselves some time to process and grieve --- and listen to your heart. It might not have an answer right away, but it will have one for you. Sending hugs your way!
Crap. I\'m so sorry. IF can suck it! No you\'re not being selfish. You\'re putting your body through hell and back to bring a child into this world. Not at all selfish. Take your time, give yourself some space, some downtime, take care of your heart, and reevaluate your game plan when it feels right. ((HUGS))
I am so so so sorry. and no, being scared to go through it again it not selfish - it\'s NORMAL. you put your body through so much, your mind through so much and for it not to work is devastating. take the time you need to mourn this and when you meet with your doctor, perhaps he/she will give you some more information to help you decide as to where to go form here.
Thank you ladies...I truly appreciate all your kind words and support. I am so thankful that I found DS and trust me, my dh is too! After a long talk and lots of tears my dh and I said that we\'d keep on trying until the doctor says we can\'t or until we completely run out of resources(money). I am really curious to see what the doctor says tomorrow, I swear time can never go fast enough when we want it to but when we want it to go slow, it just speeds up. I had my \"feel sorry for myself day\" yesterday, ate mac n\' cheese and lots of Oreos and maybe a bowl of Special K. Talk emotional eating at its finest. I know there plenty of women who have gone through worse or those who can\'t have babies and can\'t afford to even do treatment, so I\'ll count my blessings, put on my big girl panties and be grateful for the things I do have and hopefully the next time around, is my time. I hear of miracles everyday, there is no reason why it can\'t happen to us.
Also, I am shopping for new insurance for my work, so I am going to talk to my boss about trying to find something with IVF coverage. Not completely guaranteed but it\'s worth asking.
I\'m so happy to hear you have some things to feel grateful for. It\'s important to focus on those things. It\'s great that you and the hubby had a talk and have a plan. I\'m sure they have learned a ton about this cycle, and the next should go much better! Not sure if it helps, but I read taking CoQ10 can help with quality, and acupuncture is magical. I didn\'t have coverage at my work, and I asked for it. It took almost a year, but they finally decided to cover it and it was worth the long wait! I hope you get coverage, and get it quickly! It\'s actually cheaper for them to have coverage in the long run, so my fingers are crossed it works out!
This breaks my heart, I\'m so so sorry. A different protocol could give you vastly different results, so don\'t give up hope yet (even though God knows it\'s hard not to).
As you know I\'m on my fourth round right now, second fresh cycle. How do I keep going? To be totally honest with you, it\'s because I\'m not brave enough to give up. I\'m not brave enough to live with the what ifs and the maybes for the rest of my life.
I totally get what you mean about time moving too slow. It\'ll be 3 months from my D&C on Friday but I swear it feels like it\'s been 10 years! Just remember that time keeps going whether or not you want it to. Big hugs and lots of love and mac and cheese (damn that sounds delicious!!!!).
So sorry to hear this! I had this happen with my second IVF and it is a slap in the face. I wonder if because of the number of eggs, many had gone past mature too. Changing up your protocol may really help. I hope your doc can give you some answers tomorrow. But in the mean time, feel however you need to feel! I always took 6 months off between IVF cycles because I needed that time. So do what is best for you.
Wow, MJ just read your latest comments. All I can say is you are so brave! I can\'t even begin to imagine how awful it must be to go through IVF in the first place, let have it not work out. I think that you should be really proud of how you have handled these set backs so far-I have no doubt that your positive outlook will see you succeed in attaining your dreams. Good luck in the next few steps.
So many strong women on here! Mj, it\'s great that you are counting your blessings. Onward and upward. Best of luck at the Docs.