Lost Freedom

It looks like this will be my last few free days for a goodly while. It is almost spooky how neatly all the pieces are falling in line for the GK's to spend the next school semester here at the farm, a 3 hour drive away from the rest of their family, including both parental units. Here in our 21st century divorce culture, it feels like a miracle to have all branches of family tree in agreement on a subject as sensitive as child welfare. Everyone seems agreed that the school semesters are a good measure for re-evaluations for the sake of training the children to take their education seriously. The next evaluation will be in May, at the end of the Spring Semester. Now to see if Hubs and I are up to the task of providing that child welfare for a full school semester. It is most definitely easier said than done.

The fate of the unborn child is still less certain, but she is becoming easier to talk about. Both sets of grandparents and CPS are voting for keeping all three siblings under the same umbrella. It remains a parental decision. YS sounded far more certain of the need for sterilization than the destiny of his surprise package. I was greatly relieved to hear that, but his surprise package will be here any week now. I am feeling a frantic anxiety on her behalf. Plying therapy tools. . .

This weekend YS assured me that he and his wife have decided to back off from the STBX waltz and attempt to dig their way out of the hole they are in as a unified parental team. Prayers in progress, My Son. I remain clueless whether his wife wants my prayers, or not, but. . . Monsters-in-law will monsterate. I gotta do what I gotta do. Prayer gives me something to do when there's nothing my hyper-overcompensating-ass can do. What she doesn't know won't hurt her?

The church I have chosen near here doesnae have its own building yet. For now it is meeting in the same elementary school which GS will be transferring in to for the next semester. Hubs and Daddy decided to go with the GKs and I for the service yesterday. A splendid time was had by all, but GS still likes his current school better. We congratulated him on his loyalty to his school and dropped the subject. The current step is simply prepping him for the change to come. It feels like plenty that he now has some visuals to help him prepare. Small steps, big faith and lots of prayer. It's allot to sort, even for the more experienced family members.

On the self-care (aka selfish) end of this equation, it feels like a good thing for Hubs and I to be commiting to the farm for a fixed period of time. We are currently waffling between the Urban Homestead 200 miles to the south and the River Region, 700 miles to the north. Is it delusional to believe that after more than half a century as an Estate Investment Property, this farm is in need of some family commitment? This property has been in Hubby's family since 1965 but no one in the family has ever actually lived here. The months I have spent here I have treated it like a job site and I still donae feel like a member of Hubby's birth family, anyway. Who knows what the morrow may bring?