Lost for words!

So I live in Florida and as everyone knows about the devastation of hurricane Michael yes in my home town I have seen family, friends and complete strangers loose everything in a matter of hours! 4 days post storm I find out a class mate of my grown kids was killed then day 5 I find out a long time family friend was killed in an auto accident traveling home just an hour later I get a call from husband of my best friend of 30 yrs that she needs me to take her to see a doctor after he reveals she’s having chest pain and hurting in her arm I advised him to call 911 no way with the crazy traffic would I be able to get to her in time. I’m sitting here in an ICU room alone with her as she has suffered a heart attack at the age of 53.... breaks my heart that she has no body here for her except for me and I’m not leaving her.  This is my wake up call life is short and I’ve spent my entire adult life waiting on a man to choose me over alcohol and as of today he still chooses it.  Durning the storm he was drunk when I asked why he replied he was nervous... ok! Then last night with all the chaos of family staying with us due to their house isnt livable (we were blessed to have minimal damage and have already gotten power back) and his 95 yr old mom staying he decided it would be a good idea to drink almost all of the gallon size jug of whiskey that my daughter bought being thaughtful  of his needs and not wanting his body to go into shock without u would think he would conserve! Not at all, so this puts him in his defensive mode of course and something was said that he took wrong and yelled at my sister who tried to leave and he wouldn’t allow her to knowing it would piss me off that he treated her this away when I got home... Huge blow up and his mom so upset that he’s drinking and killing himself that we thought she was going to stroke out. Last night was the point of it effecting more than me. I’m done I told him this morning while sober that when this is over we’re over! This roller coaster ride has ended! It’s time for me to get off and find myself I may never be completely happy but I will be happier than I am now!