Lost Daddy
My gosh where to start. I have been married for 6 years to a wonderful woman. I worked hard and made sure to try and hold things together. I know not everyday was great but I felt happy because of my love for her. Like we could handle anything that came up. Her ex got out of prison about 3 years ago. she put him there for molesting her oldest daughter. there was a reason for some cummunication, their son together even though the courts said he couldnt be around him until 18.
I found a love letter from her to him and then one from him to her. now what? I began looking at the phone bill. wow. finally i confronted her and her words haunt me today. I love him and I dont love you. What a statement. We went to marriage couseling for months then she got mad an him and said she wasnt going back.
finally i heard the words i had been praying for, we will try again.
this year has been an interesting year to say the least. new job but things were looking better for me and her. Church was great, our friends got back together. things really were starting to move forward.
My first business trip: I was to be gone over night and be back the next evening. we talked and texted as usual. but when i got home, she and the kids were not there as was house was half taken. not note not a word. i was frantic. when i called the police, my neighbors came over and told me that a man was here and they had a moving van too. I showed them the picture from the sex offender website and they said yes it was him. it takes two days to drive here so now i see that this was well planned but i didnt know just how until later.
because we were married, she can take my daughter anywhere even with a child molester. the law says that the only way to let them get involved was to file for divorce and then get orders for the return of the child. it was 6 days before i got my daughter back. my precious 4 year old sweetheart. my wife has another house and another life.
court date: well I was so scared and never felt so all alone in my life on the day of the hearing. I sat and listened how bad of a person i was, that she just had to find a way out and so the planned it for the first day i would be gone. she wants everything she says so she can sell it and stay in pa with the other guy. But this is when I knew that God was here all the time, the judge told her he had never heard of a woman wanting to put her second daughter in danger of molestation and so i was awarded custody of my daughter and she has visitation rights.
did i want to file for a divorce? no. do i want a divorce? no. do i love her still? yes and would take her back if she got some help. now what? I am a father with a 4 year old daughter that in 6 days with them, cant be alone, dont want the doors open in the house and i cant get out of sight from her. when it was her mothers time to get her daughter for a visit, (she cant leave the city with her) my daughter had a death grip on my neck and would not let go. So friday nite she didnt get her, i took her to our friends the next day hoping that she would be able to have some time with her mommy. 4 hours is about the extent of the visit, my wife called telling me to bring some tylenol for my girl, i did and then she would turn me loose after that. and for about 2 minutes as my wife cried and i cried and my daughter cried, i saw the woman i had so fell in love with standing there.
the next morning as we went to say goodbye to her, she had told me that she had to come all this way on the bus (2 days) so after last night, seeing my real wife, i went and put together a goody bag for her so the trip would be more comfortable. talking to her was like talking to a stone wall again. so i bid her farewell and my daughter and i went to church.
the next morning my wife calls and told me to stop worrying because she was a big girl and that she was already home. Flew home just like the flew there. lies and lies again. wow i am really a big dork for loving someone so much. now what? we wait on the divorce trial and split everything. she told me to keep my daughter and just give her the house so she can sell it.
I feel so betrayed, abandoned, alone, angry, sad... but the one thing i know i have to do is just keep going forward. What does God want? The Word says reconciliation.
if you have just a little bit of encouragement thanks
I found a love letter from her to him and then one from him to her. now what? I began looking at the phone bill. wow. finally i confronted her and her words haunt me today. I love him and I dont love you. What a statement. We went to marriage couseling for months then she got mad an him and said she wasnt going back.
finally i heard the words i had been praying for, we will try again.
this year has been an interesting year to say the least. new job but things were looking better for me and her. Church was great, our friends got back together. things really were starting to move forward.
My first business trip: I was to be gone over night and be back the next evening. we talked and texted as usual. but when i got home, she and the kids were not there as was house was half taken. not note not a word. i was frantic. when i called the police, my neighbors came over and told me that a man was here and they had a moving van too. I showed them the picture from the sex offender website and they said yes it was him. it takes two days to drive here so now i see that this was well planned but i didnt know just how until later.
because we were married, she can take my daughter anywhere even with a child molester. the law says that the only way to let them get involved was to file for divorce and then get orders for the return of the child. it was 6 days before i got my daughter back. my precious 4 year old sweetheart. my wife has another house and another life.
court date: well I was so scared and never felt so all alone in my life on the day of the hearing. I sat and listened how bad of a person i was, that she just had to find a way out and so the planned it for the first day i would be gone. she wants everything she says so she can sell it and stay in pa with the other guy. But this is when I knew that God was here all the time, the judge told her he had never heard of a woman wanting to put her second daughter in danger of molestation and so i was awarded custody of my daughter and she has visitation rights.
did i want to file for a divorce? no. do i want a divorce? no. do i love her still? yes and would take her back if she got some help. now what? I am a father with a 4 year old daughter that in 6 days with them, cant be alone, dont want the doors open in the house and i cant get out of sight from her. when it was her mothers time to get her daughter for a visit, (she cant leave the city with her) my daughter had a death grip on my neck and would not let go. So friday nite she didnt get her, i took her to our friends the next day hoping that she would be able to have some time with her mommy. 4 hours is about the extent of the visit, my wife called telling me to bring some tylenol for my girl, i did and then she would turn me loose after that. and for about 2 minutes as my wife cried and i cried and my daughter cried, i saw the woman i had so fell in love with standing there.
the next morning as we went to say goodbye to her, she had told me that she had to come all this way on the bus (2 days) so after last night, seeing my real wife, i went and put together a goody bag for her so the trip would be more comfortable. talking to her was like talking to a stone wall again. so i bid her farewell and my daughter and i went to church.
the next morning my wife calls and told me to stop worrying because she was a big girl and that she was already home. Flew home just like the flew there. lies and lies again. wow i am really a big dork for loving someone so much. now what? we wait on the divorce trial and split everything. she told me to keep my daughter and just give her the house so she can sell it.
I feel so betrayed, abandoned, alone, angry, sad... but the one thing i know i have to do is just keep going forward. What does God want? The Word says reconciliation.
if you have just a little bit of encouragement thanks
Replies
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I can\'t tell if you have filed for divorce. It sounds like it, but I can\'t be sure.
As painful as it is, you have to think about your daughter and yourself first. You wife is showing you who she is through her actions and her lies. If you can afford it, seek counseling. Definitely seek an attorney. Definitely fight for custody, and every single thing you can get out of the divorce. Don\'t cave in to her and give her the house. You need to money to raise your sweet daughter.
You aren\'t completely ready to see it yet, but your wife is showing you who she truly is behind the mask she has been wearing for all these years. YOu now know that she is a woman who would put her own child in danger. You now knwo she will lie about anything (bus) to manipulate you.
Talk to your priest. God does not want you to let your daughter be put into danger. God does not want you to hold on to someone who has obviously been led astray by evil.
I don\'t know if any of that helps. Sorry for your pain.
I will only be able to be strong in this by having faith in God. I would\'ve and did, bend over backwards for her and I tried to change everything she asked. but I see that everything was only one sided. now not only me but my daughter loses out on a wife and mother.
Boy doesn\'t this sound like its oh woo is me?
it doesn\'t sound like you are all woe is me. You are in pain, and struggling to understand and accept that someone you love deeply could behave so callously and selfishly. Its hard to accept that people can behave this way when they supposedly loved you.
You will go through many stages on this journey. Its normal. From what I have seen , if you accept the feelings and allow yourself to work through them, that you will come out on the other side sooner.
Given your situation, you might look into the concept of No Contact. You can find many postings on the Breakups & Divorce board as well as the Infidelity board. Though you have the divorce to work through, as well as child care and support issues, the more you can stop reacting to her probes and manipulations, the better off you will be. In time, you will be able to see her more clearly.
Thanks and I will try and keep my head focused and looking straight ahead. I know that there is a bigger picture here but when your close you focus on the small brush strokes.
I guess my one desire is she will finally come to see what she has done. I know that right now the wound is fresh and the grass is greener on the other side of the fence so the ball and chain, so-to-speak, have a less attractive glow. I do get confused why someone would go completely left.
abandon their family to go back into a relationship that already reaped destruction costing one daughters life.
Sorry but I have a bucket full of questions with not one single answer.
Definitely file for a divorce. I\'m glad that you\'ll get to keep your daughter.
Grief is a terribly haunting creature but we must go through it to get to the other side intact and sane, so we can fully love again. I\'m grieving and taking my time to do so. I hope that you surround yourself with friends, family and church folks to give you the love and support you\'ll need.
This is a big loss and we need others to move ahead healthily. Best wishes.
Since you are a volunteer fireman, I know that you have a big heart and want to help and serve others. This will be reciprocated. Best wishes.
Chi
thank you