Lost and lonely

I am a 42 year old women with anxiety depression and low self esteem im 5 ft 4in tall 210 lbs I am obese I have been molested raped neglected and taken advantage of.

i have been married to an abusive controling alcoholic for 20 years we abused each other put eachother down had very little self worth and I feel we both destroyed our marrige and family.

I suffer from acute anxiety and depression and I have fears about everything 

i am not confident or feel much self worth i was betrayed and my husband was un faithful. 

our whole lives were planned out and now i have an 18 son and 14 son and a dad and a mom all doing there own thing. 

i want to love myself and be the best me i can.