Lost and full of anxiety

Well today is Monday and I am suppose to go back to work tomorrow. This has not been a good day for me because all I have done is stressed about it. I went to the docotor last friday for a follow up on my meds and he said he wanted me to try and go back to work. For the past two  months  I have been on prozac, remeron, luvox and now celexa. I also take xanax with my celexa. I have been on the celexa for two weeks today. 20 mg of celexa and .5mg of xanax twice a day. Since my doctor is insisting on me going back to work tomorrow I asked him to up my xanax to three times a day at .5mg. It is hard for me because I have the better paying job and insurance. My husbands employer dont offer insurance. So if I quit or get fired we have no insurance and neither of us have a way of getting our meds. I have ran out of paid time off at work so if i miss now it is unpaid unless the doctor will fill out paper work for me to be off on short term disablity. He wont. Go figure. If anyone hasnt noticed by now I am very bitter today. Doctor says the xanax is addicting is why he dont want me to stay on it for a long period of time but anti depressants are addicting also. If they werent they you would have withdrawls when you come off of them. I so very disappointed in my doctor right now. I am seriously thinking of looking for a new doctor. I hate doing that cause I have a trust issue. Well anyways I am going to way my options and see if it is worth putting myself through the anxiety tomorrow by going back to work. A person in my condition has no business trying to save the lives of others. Thats whay I do, I  am a 911 dispatcher. Many lives are in my hands everyday. One mistake and it could take a life and also mess my life up for good. It is such a scary feeling. Wish me luck.