lost it

my anger scares the shit out of myself. i lost it badly and got violent and had to be rescued. havent been able get head out of ass since then. but am starting over had enough and thankfully have family that is giving me a home and a chance to start over. just scared and hoping dont loose it because means less time with kids but where i live is unsanitary and unsafe and just cant do it anymore. am sad and scared

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alijoezack
alijoezack

i want to feel better. i hate failure...i fall apart when i think people are angry with me or hurt...i need to be stronger im so insecure. my sister that i hurt deeply by being with her ex of ten years has offered me a safe home to live in. mine is moldy and no running water in kitchen and falling apart electricity in only three of 7 rooms. thing is i would have to move further away from kids which the idea is killing me. i know they need a better place to live but less time is scaring the shit outta me. i lost so much control of my self cause i was hurt and insecure. i got so intoxicated and angry and threw alot of things. and when the ex contacts me i loose it cause she dont want me and it hurts me to have failed. she is far from perfect wasnt capable of talking. didnt want any kind of help. im lost im sad. i want to find me and be happy. am so damn scared