lost it.........

I exploded on T-Man.  Well - not "exploded" per say but I guess you could say I lost it.  I am so frustrated with him.  I can't stand it. I can't stand the fact that I let it get to me.  I wish sometimes our sons would move out. I'm very tired of their behaviors.  I am tired - plain tired.  T-Man was so disrespectful when I asked him to cut the lawn.  He has plans.  I left a note in his bathroom before I left for work so I know he saw it.  He claims he didn't.  His friends still haven't picked him up and that was almost an hour ago.  I told him he was going to disappoint his dad.  He claims he'll start behaving better and be more responsible once we turn his phone back on. Whatever.  I know I shouldn't have gotten into an argument with him but it's been building.  J never came home last night and i know he is drinking himself into oblivion.  T pointed out that J can drink himself away, crash the car a few times, and still have his smart phone, no less.  I know he has a point but with J's depression I just can't do that right now.  
Then after the dust settled T and I talked before he left to go with his friends.  We hugged.  He said he'll do the lawn today.  We both shared that we're both under stress and overreacted.  I explained to him that I cannot turn off J's cell because of his depression.  He understood but said he can't understand why his is still off.  He said he's been trying.  I'm talking to him today about a trial run.  The main reason I had it turned off was because he doesn't return our calls nor does he call us to tell us what his plans are.  Sometimes he takes off for the weekend without letting us know.  Seems as if we have one kid at a time we can communicate with.  J didn't come home again last night.  Sigh....

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

oh, whottalife.....so tuff with the young men, and so hard to be knowing J is out and know what he is doing *sigh*.......I do sympathise I really do. Though I only have tenants to grumble about just now! and that is entirely different!! (((hugs)))
bambusue
bambusue

I was thinking about you on the way out here...I\'m at the ocean and using the hotel computer because i didn\'t want you to think I forgot about you. jad read your journal earlier but didn\'t have time with packing and watering and getting waylaid by neighbors and tree cutters.....
I am glad you called a friend last night, and glad you\'re still writing here. I can believe you are tired. They have energy at their age to outsmart and run circles around anything. I never turned off my son\'s cell phone. thinking it was a line of communication to him, but had the same problems, that when I was really worried about him he would never pick up anyway. I dont\' recall why we never took it away, but I think it is a good idea. I think it\'s good to demand more of him before giving him that privilege. (Speaking from hindsight)
I do hope T did the lawn, but bet he found a way not to. Our counselor said that a lot of that stuff is acting-out behavior as well as the drugs talking.
I am wondering if he owned up to his court date earlier this week.
I am sure hoping that J gets in touch.
Try and get some sleep......I will send prayers, as usual.
bambusue
bambusue

pS: A couple months ago when we lost contact and were worried about my son I sat at the computer and wrote a 1500-word journal, just to myself, and even \'locked\' it afterward. I poured out everything that I felt that was the worst of what I felt; the worst of my worried, stressed-out self. I don\'t know if you think that might help,but just passing it on as an idea.