Lost!

For 30 years I have been married to my Alcoholic husband. Drinking in the beginning was ok because we were young and I would drink with him. But after having kids I felt like it was time to be a parent. As I look back things have changed in many different ways over the years, he doesn't hang out in bars or with friends as he did in the beginning he doesn't just drink beer. He now stops off daily at the liquor store and buys a pint of Jim Beam and sprite and drink this on his way home. Doesn't mix as a drink he drinks it straight out of the bottle the Beam then sprite. With a good 30 min drive home he will stop at a convenient store (if he didn't buy with sprite) a 6 pack of beer. He thinks he's fooling me to only drinking beer! I know what the whiskey does to him. I have so much resentment that he's chooses to be drunk than have a sober night with me. I only see him sober a few hours a week. By the time I get home in afternoons from work he's drunk or passed out. Weekends he makes up any excuse to leave the house ALONE to go get his fix. I'm to the point that I'm tired, I'm tired of feeling like it's my faught. Maybe I could have done something long ago... maybe I should have left him years ago... I feel like after this long I'm stuck. Stuck to take care of him because who else will? His mom's 94 yrs old his dad was an alcoholic and passed away over 40 yrs ago. Our grown children doesn't want to be ar I understand him because he picks arguments. He always has to be right! We adopted 2 granddaughters last year 12 and 13. What the heck was I thinking? Wouldn't change it but I feel like I've taken them from drug addicted parents to an alcoholic home. He's not abusive and is a wonderful provider. But they see the verbal abuse and jealousy he has towards me. All is fine if I sit back and let him drink and not say anything. But let me say a negative comment about his love (Jim Beam) it's on! Don't know how to make it right I don't have the courage or the strength to fight. I wish it was easier. I love him of course but then I hate him...