Loss for words!!

I miss him! I want her to go away! Why did he have to do this shit to us? I don't deserve it.. Ever since Gracie came out its been hell and I just want Justin back.. I want my MAN back.. "Till death do us part" those 5 words can be pure hell.. Talking with others doesn't help as much as it should, I need to be able to talk to him too, but does he talk to me? NOPE! When I bring up how much his life is destroying me he just shuts down, then I have to be the big person and just let it go.. Why should I have to sacrifice my happiness just for him?
 
I'm so angry at myself mostly, for letting this go on as long as I have.. What was I thinking?