losing it
This week has been really hard at work. My boss has been jumping all over us even though most of us are doing all we can to handle the work load. But that is only the whip cream of the sundae that is my life. I had a blood test last week. It confirmed I ovulated late, but that I was not pregnant.
I really thought this would be the month. Now I am waiting for AF to show up. It bugs me that DH asks me every night before bed if I have started.
But the cherry on top is the pictures on facebook photos of my sister and her blooming pregnancy.
I'm getting not depressed, but resigned. Everyone keeps saying that it will happen, give it time, God has a plan. that's all well and good, but I am having to live through this mess. I am the one having to schedule sex, take the medication, deal with the hormones, go to the doctor every 2 weeks, get blood drawn, put my legs in the air after each BD encounter, chart ovulation and all the other stuff that comes with fertility.
Both sides of my family are VERY fertile. None of them have had problems getting pregnant. None of them understand how I am feeling and what I am going through. All of my friends are fertile and it only takes them a couple of months to get pregnant. I feel alone. Truly alone. The moment I try to talk about it, they start the platitudes and I just can't hear them any more.
People who know that I am ttc keep asking if I am pregnant. It hurts to tell them no. I feel like a failure. Less of a woman, cuz I can't do the one thing that a woman should be able to do. Most of the women in my family can look at a man, have a sexual thought, and wind up pregnant.
I should be taking joy in the fact that God has blessed me with a son, whom I love more than my own life. And I do. But I have this empty feeling. Like my life is missing someone. When DH, Son and I are hanging out, I feel like our family is incomplete. Some people just say to be happy with what I have and leave it at that. They don't understand, because they have multiple children.
I get on here and I feel horrible and selfish because I do have one child and many don't. Then I become depressed that I am asking for help from women who should hate me.
I am losing it, losing me, losing my grip on everything.
I really thought trying for baby number 2 would be easier than the first time. I don't know anything any more. I really don't...............
I really thought this would be the month. Now I am waiting for AF to show up. It bugs me that DH asks me every night before bed if I have started.
But the cherry on top is the pictures on facebook photos of my sister and her blooming pregnancy.
I'm getting not depressed, but resigned. Everyone keeps saying that it will happen, give it time, God has a plan. that's all well and good, but I am having to live through this mess. I am the one having to schedule sex, take the medication, deal with the hormones, go to the doctor every 2 weeks, get blood drawn, put my legs in the air after each BD encounter, chart ovulation and all the other stuff that comes with fertility.
Both sides of my family are VERY fertile. None of them have had problems getting pregnant. None of them understand how I am feeling and what I am going through. All of my friends are fertile and it only takes them a couple of months to get pregnant. I feel alone. Truly alone. The moment I try to talk about it, they start the platitudes and I just can't hear them any more.
People who know that I am ttc keep asking if I am pregnant. It hurts to tell them no. I feel like a failure. Less of a woman, cuz I can't do the one thing that a woman should be able to do. Most of the women in my family can look at a man, have a sexual thought, and wind up pregnant.
I should be taking joy in the fact that God has blessed me with a son, whom I love more than my own life. And I do. But I have this empty feeling. Like my life is missing someone. When DH, Son and I are hanging out, I feel like our family is incomplete. Some people just say to be happy with what I have and leave it at that. They don't understand, because they have multiple children.
I get on here and I feel horrible and selfish because I do have one child and many don't. Then I become depressed that I am asking for help from women who should hate me.
I am losing it, losing me, losing my grip on everything.
I really thought trying for baby number 2 would be easier than the first time. I don't know anything any more. I really don't...............
Replies