losing the battle

writing because it seems like nobody heres or nobody sees what im going through day to day. my daughters father is sinking further n further away from me. he becomes distant because hes back on his drug his love the meth. for as long as i can remember hes been on it since the day we met i didnt like it and i told him how much i hate it even before we started dating. i felt so appreciated when he stopped just for me..he would do anything for me. but times changed we changed after i had gotten pregnant with our first child. he started staying out more with friends partying..i went through alot and i stuck it out always on my toes. i always ask myself why i stayed..why us?? why do we suffer more than any other couple i know? when i see happy couples it just make me so bummed out cause we can never seem to have that. as my daughter got older i started to reconize when he was on it. his appetite wasnt the same..he would constantly go to the restroom..he would leave without saying anything..grinding his teeth..just lost his willingness to be with us it seemed. it hurts to this day what my daughter n i go through everyday..hurting me most when she needs him. he currently has a good job but i dont see any of the earnings..its always me paying for everything making it too difficult to even make a move to a place of our own..to go back to taking classes because i wonder if i can even trust him in taking care of us...im not happy i sheild my feelings to keep our daughter smiling..i just want to live that life of happiness with my family why is that so hard to get?? its not my lil girls fault butwhy does he make the situation as if is..sure its hard but i love her n want the best for her...just wish he would just wake up n realize what hes doing to us...