Losing my Parents

I lost my mom to cancer in 2008 and recently I lost my dad January of 2017. Sometimes I still can't believe I'll talk to my parents again. My mom got sick and she fought the cancer for 6 months before she couldn't fight anymore. She told us that she was ready to die but I wasn't ready to let her go. Not until I got that 2am call and my sister cried so hard on the other end she didn't have to say words. It was only then that i knew. I had to put my head on her chest to listen for a heartbeat that won't sound and hold her cold hand to come to the realization that she was gone. I think it broke my father. Even though they were seperated, he loved her. He still loved her. It caused him to start drinking more and more. He would call me in the middle of the night just to chat. Of course I would listen and we would go back and forth about how drunk he sounded. I wish I could have helped him. We didn't know his liver had begun to fail and his body was too weak to fight off the disease. He went into the hospital and that next day he was gone. I was able to tell him I loved him by phone, he lived in another state and we couldn't get there in time. I thought his death would end me. It was so hard to keep things together. But I've gone through the worst kind of pain and I'm still here. I'm still standing. It does still get hard when my friends would talk about their parents. I could only smile and hold back tears not wanting to inflict my pain on anyone else. I am able to laugh again and live my life knowing that one day I'll see them. They'll be waiting for me when I'm old and gray. I live each day for them now, doing the things they never got to do. I love you mom, I love you dad.