Losing my mind...
I am absolutely losing my mind today. I had my 8 week scan last week and everything was fine. At this point, statistics say that my chance of a miscarriage are at 5% and I am completely focused on that number. Why can't I be focused on the reverse that says that 95% are great odds for success? After my scan I was on such a high, talking about cribs and announcements, and then last night it was like a switch flipped and I went into "crazy brain." I am convinced that there is something wrong inside of me and that I was acting too relaxed in talking about baby things and the future. I just cannot shake the anxiety and fear that something that will go wrong. And it is still not helping to not have any of the normal symptoms that other women talk about. Other than some breast tenderness and acid reflux that comes and goes, there is no other physical symptom that I can even tie to pregnancy. I am hoping the "crazy brain" has something to do with it also, but IF has also given me plenty of that too. Also, I still am on hormones for a couple of more weeks, so it is not even my body's own natural ones that are being produced and making me nuts- I am assuming my body has kicked in some as a contribution, but for now it is still getting hormonal assistance. I keep searching for anything to keep me sane- any other woman's story of lack of symptoms and a healthy pregnancy is one of the only comforting things I can find right now. If there is ever a time that I need to drink, it is now. Obviously, I am not going to, but I am trying really hard to bring myself back down to reality to deal with the stress and anxiety in some kind of positive way. Even if my babies do not make it, I need to give them the best possible chance at life by getting my act together and staying positive...
Replies
oh Gosh you poor thing! All I can say is hang in there. I went through something similar with my pregnancy..I had no symptoms whatsoever...none. So for the first 20 weeks I was in crazy brain mode. I freaked out when I had to tell work at 16 weeks. I think it is perfectly normal for someone who has been through what you have been through to feel the way you do.
I know it seems like callous advice but worrying about what may happen is a complete waste of time and mental energy. If something bad is going to happen (and please believe me when I say that I am praying it won\'t!!) are you going to feel any better because you worried about it before hand? I doubt it. I know that sounds really cold hearted...someone said it to me in my early stages and it really resonated...so I am hoping it does the same for you...even though I come off as sounding like a complete B*!$#.
I am not trying to dismiss your concerns, because they are real. Stress, however is not your friend when you are pregnant and full of hormones, so please try as much as you can to do things that relax you. Meditate, breathe..dance, shop (one of my favorites!) eat chocolate, binge watch orange is the new black, workout...whatever it is that you know works for you -do that...and lots of it. If you have a partner, talk to them and work on this whole relaxation thing together.
ok enough agony aunt advice. ..sorry if I went on for too long!!
If you need to vent, I am always here.
Thank you so much for your response- I really did need some supportive words from someone who has been through it. You are absolutely right, worrying about the possibility of a bad outcome won\'t prevent it from happening. And it is making me feel horrible. I feel like I have made myself sick because of it. My brain is thinking much more rationally today. I had a good cry last night with my partner and my parents and they are all trying their best to keep me from the dark side... These hormones running through my body are no joke- I cannot believe the highs and lows they cause. I just keep trying to focus on one small step at a time. I have exactly one week until my next drs apt, and then after that, 2 more weeks until I am out of my first trimester. I just gotta push through in a sane and positive way :)
I do hope you are feeling better! I am sixteen weeks now, and I have to say now that I\'m out of the first trimester, I am feeling less anxious than I was. I had some pretty bad anxiety in the first trimester so I completely understand where you\'re coming from. Those hormones can be pretty powerful, especially when you\'re adding extra meds (PIO shots and estrogen) on top of what your body is already producing.
I never had real morning sickness (occasional waves of nausea here and there but that\'s about it), so that did freak me out. But plenty of women don\'t have morning sickness and go on to have healthy babies. And so far, my pregnancy has been going well. And I have been trying my best to focus on the 95% chance rather than the 5% chance!
Keep trying to stay positive. It\'s only natural to worry, but try not to let it consume you. Keep thinking about plans for your nursery and all the fun stuff. Focus on that. Thinking of you! :)