losing family
My X's sister died yesterday after failing health for many years. She was very kind and I wish her rest in peace. Because of finances and because of the divorce, I cannot attend her funeral out of state. All of it makes me feel bad. There are so many ties that I had for almost 30 years and now- almost nothing. Her son is getting married. He was MY ring bearer and I have known him about 30 years. He just told me last week that it was a really hard decision, but he had decided to not invite me to his wedding. They were worried about there being a scene at thte wedding. It would have been hard, because my X does like to flaunt the young gf , but I think the choice should have been left to me. I had thought all along that I would probably go for the ceremony, mingle a little and leave(it is all at one location), but now I cannot even attend. My whole realtionship with my only nephew has changed because of my X and all of the choices he made and forced upon others. It all sucks. this nephew is MY kids only cousin so I do not want to make waves. They will all want to be in touch with eachother. These two incidents have made me SO angry with the X again, but I did leave him a very sincere message of condolence about his sister and asked my kids to hug him for me. The mixed emotions I feel pull me apart. And, I don't think he thinks about it at all...
Replies
This is a difficult thing, particularly while the wounds are still so fresh. On the one hand it is a good thing that your nephew and others are at least acknowledging you. I know it is hard to accept and it sounds like it is more that he is concerned with how your ex and his girlfriend will behave. I understand though how it hurts you and isolates you. I moved away from family and so my ex\'s family became my family. When we split I felt like not only had I lost a wife but that I had lost a family, it was very difficult at first.
He seems pretty self absorbed so I think you are partially right in that he doesn\'t care. I do think he thinks about it but not in a sincere kind way.
I\'m almost certain that your X feels nothing -- like so many of these runaway husbands, once they flip the switch in their heads, they are gone. So much for 25 or 30 years together.
I will say that I think your nephew\'s approach was \"tacky\" -- but since he did call to tell you why you weren\'t invited, it would have been difficult to broach the subject. I hated it when this happened to me -- I felt left out and forgotten, but spent the day doing something that I wanted to do and did my best not to think about it.
I wouldn\'t have sent anything to the X if I were in your shoes. I would have sent those condolences to the immediate family instead.
Hang in there. It will get better with time.