losing control

I am totally a POS.  I can't even go to my granddaughter's school fieldtrip for fear of freaking out in front of people and embarrassing her.  Why do I care what other people think?  If I cpould get past that hurdle I believe that icould get off of my meds.  I just don't know how to do it.  I have been trying for years amd have made little to no progress.  It frustrates me when medicine that I'm putting into my body isn't doing any good.  I mean I feel the same as I've always had, but am so getting tired of dealing with this crap daily.  Oh and on top of everything else I hurt all over, mostly in my joints, sure hope this isn't a by product of all the meds that I'm on....