lose more..........

so i go to my doctor's appointment tomorrow....i've been to this doctor before and she's told me that i hafta lose weight....i've lost a little bit, but i want and need to lose more!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i hafta lose over 100 pounds so i can be healthy......it's gonna take A LOT of work and i'd rather just restrict and not eat anything and go back to my old ways......restricting is so much easier than watching what i eat.....why eat when i don't have to???? when i was in PHP a counselor was talking to our group and said something about our ED contributing to us not functioning and i said,"i was functioning....i wasn't functioning at my best, but i was still functioning even when i was restricting....so why should i stop??" and she said,"because you weren't functioning at your best...." which i understand and i guess i just gotta keep that mindset when i wanna restrict...and i have some affirmation cards taped to the top of my desk and they're hanging down so i'm surrounded by positive affiramtions....i hope i have this much strength when i'm with my parents....God, i hope so