Lord, where do I start.......
That title is apt for the past couple of weeks in my life. You would think I would be happy, positive, and looking for the next phase in my life after having completed four years of online school and finally obtaining a bachelor's degree at 38! Well, you would think wrong......I haven't had the chance to celebrate (only my two oldest have even acknowledged this accomplishment, hate to sound like I am whining or looking for validation, but I guess I am a little).
Where do I start? Work has been hell since I came back from vacation the day I completed classes. It has literally been one calamity after another. First, there was an issue that arose while I was off at the front desk that became the catalyst for my poor managerial skills being brought to light. The thing is, the issue was a really small thing, one authorization that wasn't pulled prior to the patient's appointment because the patient did not return phone calls to update his insurance information. It literally took less than a minute to retrieve, but it was a sign that things were falling apart in my absence and this was because I wasn't managing properly. Ugghh....Since that day, I have stepped back and done some serious soul searching. I have also spent the past two weeks observing what is actually going on in my office and in my world. I came to the sinking realization that what was said was actually partially true. I apparently have a "control issue" at work and at home. I tell someone that something needs to be done, I give them a time frame, I show them how to do it....but, if it doesn't get done as I asked I don't hold them accountable, I just take over the task. I recognize this within myself and I am trying really hard to change that. It goes completely against the grain for me. I have always been the "mother hen", even as a 5 year old child trying to take care of my siblings and my parents. So, this has been a painful learning curve for me. However, for the most part, my staff has responded incredibly well to this new dynamic. I have even had two employees apologize to me for slacking and they have really taken responsibility for so much. I couldn't be more proud--seriously!!
Then there is Sherry. I can't even express my frustration with this situation. I posted in the forum asking for advice, and I really don't want to retype all of that (will probably copy and paste at some point so I don't forget--although really, how could I at this point!?) Suffice it to say that I feel cold and heartless but I honestly think she is the most abusive, manipulative, conniving and vindictive person in my life. And that is saying something considering who else is in my life. Here I am sitting at home so investigations can be done into the allegations of abuse she is leveling at myself and Tammy (as well as the rest of the staff I presume). While she has a doctor's note excusing her from work for the next week and then some. WTF!?!?!?
Then there is Timmy. He is being his usual self. He starts a fight because he can. He then proceeds to pin it all on me; if only I was more available, more whatever, he wouldn't have to get so frustrated to get his needs met. Oh God I am so sick of this!!!!
Then there is my mother. I ended up having to apologize to her because I (admittedly) acted like a spoiled brat to her the other day. I know it's petty, but it is also frustrating that she is forever giving my sister money, sending my brother money, going out of her way to take my sister wherever she needs to go, buying gifts for my nephews; yet never does anything for me or mine except call me every day to complain about how mean her husband is to her, or how bad my sister has it in her life. When I try to talk about something going on in my life, I end up getting cut off as she begins to tell me about something Louie said or did or something my sister's husband or her mother-in-law does or says. I give up. Well the other day, Jordan got out of class early. It was about 37 degrees outside and he was stuck nearly an hour from where I was outside because the bus dropped him off. I couldn't leave work, and even if I did he was still an hour from me (maybe more with traffic). I texted her to ask if she could possibly pick him up. She told me she couldn't because she had my sister at WIC (which is literally 5 minutes from where my son was) and Louie was already calling her wanting her home. She then asked me to tell him she was sorry. I, in an adolescent temper tantrum moment, texted her back "Oh he said that's fine, we're used to it from you. Maybe if he were Sheila's son you would do it for him!" I knew it was wrong when I was texting it to her, but damn it I was frantic with worry for my son and really really really frustrated!!! Anyway, I apologized the next day because I felt so guilty, but I still feel really bad about it. (And more than a little petty and childish).
Then there is Alyssa. My God, I love that child, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take of her. She gets to be more and more like her father every day. From the minute I get home from work she just starts in on me. And I can only imagine how much her sister hears before I get here. She had a concert on Tuesday night. Now ordinarily, I have to work until 8 PM on Tuesdays (from 8:30-8) but I had to rework my entire office schedule and still hear shit because she had to be at the concert by 6:45. I work an hour away and the concert venue was about 30 minutes back the way I had come from my house. I picked up Jordan from school, rushed home (as much as I could 5 PM traffic is a nightmare on the highway!) and didn't even change or get something to eat when I got home. She bitched at me from the minute she got in the car about how it was all my fault, she was going to be late (she got there 5 minutes early), and she hated me because I am such a stupid moron that I should have left work earlier, and on and on and on. I tried to talk to her, I yelled at her, I tried to reason, and she just escalated from there. I gave up. But every single freaking day is exactly like this with her!!!!!!!Today is going to be fun because she knew I was off work and requested that I pick her up by 10:30 from school so she didn't have to go to 4th period. I told her I would try to keep the peace, but I didn't go get her. So, she is going to be pissed off when I get her from the bus stop this afternoon. Honestly, I would love to spend the day with my children; if I didn't think I needed the break from her for at least a few blissful hours. Does that make me an awful mother?!
Oh yeah. My youngest brother called me Tuesday to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay at my house a few days because they have no electric, they have been staying with her mother but something happened (a fight of some sort) and they need a place to stay. I have no room here for him, but of course I will help him if I can. However, I know that Timmy has to have the final say in order to keep the peace in my home. I asked him to call Timmy and told him I didn't care and if Timmy didn't answer or said no I would intervene. Honestly, I am not going to see my family go without and will incur the wrath of Timmy if I have to, I just prefer to circumvent that if possible. Apparently, he wouldn't answer his phone so I tried to text him and call him. That was the night of the concert so I honestly had no idea what the resolution was (Timmy never comes to any of our kids events) so I didn't talk to him until after 10 that night. He ignored me when I asked if my brother got hold of him. My brother will not respond to any phone calls or any texts for the last few days. I don't know if I should be worried about him, or if I should just assume he is pissed off at me because of the situation. I honestly have no idea!!! My mom cannot get ahold of him either, and I know it is because Louie flat out said no when she made Jon ask him.
Anyway, I think that's all for now.
Where do I start? Work has been hell since I came back from vacation the day I completed classes. It has literally been one calamity after another. First, there was an issue that arose while I was off at the front desk that became the catalyst for my poor managerial skills being brought to light. The thing is, the issue was a really small thing, one authorization that wasn't pulled prior to the patient's appointment because the patient did not return phone calls to update his insurance information. It literally took less than a minute to retrieve, but it was a sign that things were falling apart in my absence and this was because I wasn't managing properly. Ugghh....Since that day, I have stepped back and done some serious soul searching. I have also spent the past two weeks observing what is actually going on in my office and in my world. I came to the sinking realization that what was said was actually partially true. I apparently have a "control issue" at work and at home. I tell someone that something needs to be done, I give them a time frame, I show them how to do it....but, if it doesn't get done as I asked I don't hold them accountable, I just take over the task. I recognize this within myself and I am trying really hard to change that. It goes completely against the grain for me. I have always been the "mother hen", even as a 5 year old child trying to take care of my siblings and my parents. So, this has been a painful learning curve for me. However, for the most part, my staff has responded incredibly well to this new dynamic. I have even had two employees apologize to me for slacking and they have really taken responsibility for so much. I couldn't be more proud--seriously!!
Then there is Sherry. I can't even express my frustration with this situation. I posted in the forum asking for advice, and I really don't want to retype all of that (will probably copy and paste at some point so I don't forget--although really, how could I at this point!?) Suffice it to say that I feel cold and heartless but I honestly think she is the most abusive, manipulative, conniving and vindictive person in my life. And that is saying something considering who else is in my life. Here I am sitting at home so investigations can be done into the allegations of abuse she is leveling at myself and Tammy (as well as the rest of the staff I presume). While she has a doctor's note excusing her from work for the next week and then some. WTF!?!?!?
Then there is Timmy. He is being his usual self. He starts a fight because he can. He then proceeds to pin it all on me; if only I was more available, more whatever, he wouldn't have to get so frustrated to get his needs met. Oh God I am so sick of this!!!!
Then there is my mother. I ended up having to apologize to her because I (admittedly) acted like a spoiled brat to her the other day. I know it's petty, but it is also frustrating that she is forever giving my sister money, sending my brother money, going out of her way to take my sister wherever she needs to go, buying gifts for my nephews; yet never does anything for me or mine except call me every day to complain about how mean her husband is to her, or how bad my sister has it in her life. When I try to talk about something going on in my life, I end up getting cut off as she begins to tell me about something Louie said or did or something my sister's husband or her mother-in-law does or says. I give up. Well the other day, Jordan got out of class early. It was about 37 degrees outside and he was stuck nearly an hour from where I was outside because the bus dropped him off. I couldn't leave work, and even if I did he was still an hour from me (maybe more with traffic). I texted her to ask if she could possibly pick him up. She told me she couldn't because she had my sister at WIC (which is literally 5 minutes from where my son was) and Louie was already calling her wanting her home. She then asked me to tell him she was sorry. I, in an adolescent temper tantrum moment, texted her back "Oh he said that's fine, we're used to it from you. Maybe if he were Sheila's son you would do it for him!" I knew it was wrong when I was texting it to her, but damn it I was frantic with worry for my son and really really really frustrated!!! Anyway, I apologized the next day because I felt so guilty, but I still feel really bad about it. (And more than a little petty and childish).
Then there is Alyssa. My God, I love that child, but I honestly don't know how much more I can take of her. She gets to be more and more like her father every day. From the minute I get home from work she just starts in on me. And I can only imagine how much her sister hears before I get here. She had a concert on Tuesday night. Now ordinarily, I have to work until 8 PM on Tuesdays (from 8:30-8) but I had to rework my entire office schedule and still hear shit because she had to be at the concert by 6:45. I work an hour away and the concert venue was about 30 minutes back the way I had come from my house. I picked up Jordan from school, rushed home (as much as I could 5 PM traffic is a nightmare on the highway!) and didn't even change or get something to eat when I got home. She bitched at me from the minute she got in the car about how it was all my fault, she was going to be late (she got there 5 minutes early), and she hated me because I am such a stupid moron that I should have left work earlier, and on and on and on. I tried to talk to her, I yelled at her, I tried to reason, and she just escalated from there. I gave up. But every single freaking day is exactly like this with her!!!!!!!Today is going to be fun because she knew I was off work and requested that I pick her up by 10:30 from school so she didn't have to go to 4th period. I told her I would try to keep the peace, but I didn't go get her. So, she is going to be pissed off when I get her from the bus stop this afternoon. Honestly, I would love to spend the day with my children; if I didn't think I needed the break from her for at least a few blissful hours. Does that make me an awful mother?!
Oh yeah. My youngest brother called me Tuesday to ask if he and his girlfriend could stay at my house a few days because they have no electric, they have been staying with her mother but something happened (a fight of some sort) and they need a place to stay. I have no room here for him, but of course I will help him if I can. However, I know that Timmy has to have the final say in order to keep the peace in my home. I asked him to call Timmy and told him I didn't care and if Timmy didn't answer or said no I would intervene. Honestly, I am not going to see my family go without and will incur the wrath of Timmy if I have to, I just prefer to circumvent that if possible. Apparently, he wouldn't answer his phone so I tried to text him and call him. That was the night of the concert so I honestly had no idea what the resolution was (Timmy never comes to any of our kids events) so I didn't talk to him until after 10 that night. He ignored me when I asked if my brother got hold of him. My brother will not respond to any phone calls or any texts for the last few days. I don't know if I should be worried about him, or if I should just assume he is pissed off at me because of the situation. I honestly have no idea!!! My mom cannot get ahold of him either, and I know it is because Louie flat out said no when she made Jon ask him.
Anyway, I think that's all for now.
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