Looking forward to 2012

So, as I sit here tonight contemplating the last 365 days I have decided that 2011 will not go down in my history as a great year for me.  Maybe a year of great learning, but not one I would want to revisit.  365 days ago today my mother broke her hip,(one week after my youngest daughters wedding) she was 94 years old and this was her 2nd hip replacement. She was not expected to survive the surgery.  But, she did and valiantly worked her way back to health with a lot of help from a rehabilitation facility.  I brought her home on Dec 16th her home is just 3 blocks away from mine. (I had been her care giver for 8 years and my fathers for 6 years before that) She was back to her full health and strength only to wake up Christmas morning, sit up in bed and suffered another compression fracture in her spine.  Back to the hospital for more surgery.  After 10 days she came home with hospice care.  After one week she had improved to home health care.  She was just getting better and looking forward to spring and her roses and garden when she suffered severe internal problems and died "joyfully" really, joyfully on February 28,  2011. Sixty days later RA reared its ugly head in my life and on June 11, 2011 my sweet sister in law - who suffered with RA and depression overdosed and died.  Five wonderful, dear friends began their battle with cancer in 2011. One has died, two are terminal and two are bravely fighting.  The summer has been lost to me trying to find a dx , trying to adjust to this constant fatigue and then there is the pain, yes the pain.   I am told there are not enough Rheumys in Utah - maybe that is the case everywhere.  Last week with the new anti-ccp tests back I am on my way with agressive treatment.  Yesterday, my kind, gentle father in law died in his sleep while watching college football.    He would be celebrating his 86th birthday in 3 weeks.  I am tired, but not defeated, I am saddened, but not hopeless, I feel such great loss, but I still can count my many blessings and I am grateful for all of the blessings that I am given each and everyday.  I will be still and know that He is God.  I am content and rely on His mercy and grace to heal my broken heart.........especially this year.