looking for opinions
So, some in law drama (everyone needs some right).
A little background. My husband has a younger brother who got married 3 years before us (that's his only sibling). They decided to wait to try for kids until he was finished with school and got a job with benefits, etc so my SIL could stay home with the children. He was going for his doctrate...so that takes a while and he still doesn't have the full time job he was hoping for (he's trying to be a pastor...right now he has 2 part time jobs). We decided to ttc after about 1.5 years of marriage (we've now been married over 6 years). So, after us trying for about 4 years, we went to an RE and then after about a year with him with no headway we decided to adopt and ended up getting pregnant on our own. I'm currently about 19 weeks.
About a year ago (ish), my BIL called my DH to let him know that they had a miscarriage. We didn't even know they were ttc as their stated criteria hadn't been met. From what I know, they went in for a 6 week u/s, there was no heart beat and they had a d & c a couple of days later. I'm praying that there is more to that--that they were really sure that there was no baby...as many of us have read on here...that with out the blood work, etc... there could have very well been a viable pregnancy. My BIL and SIL know that we have been trying to concieve and having IF treatments for years at this point. We found out that they had been ttc for a couple of months when this happened. My BIL told my DH "At least you guys have never gotten pregnant and never had to go through this pain." I took some offense to that.... but whatever. I sent my SIL a card (we live about 3.5 hours apart and I don't really have a relationship with her)...we asked our church to pray for them...etc. I never heard back anything about the card or talked to them myself about it.
The more I now know about this stuff I do think it is likely that I have had miscarrages. My cycles are incredibly irregular...to the point where I've never been able to even really do opks because they are anywhere from 50 days to 6 months. I have had severe AFs with lots of bright red blood and clottings...so I think God was protecting me and not allowing me to know that I was miscarrying...I'm not sure I would have been strong enough during these 5 years to handle that.
Ok, so fast forward to recent times. We decided to wait to go public with the pregnancy news until our 18-20w ultra sound was normal. we did tell our family and close friends earlier, but we weren't like putting it out on facebook or anything until then. Also, my BIL and SIL who have known about the pregnancy since March have not called, e-mailed, sent a card, etc... to me. My DH does speak to his brother on the phone. So, this past Saturday we had our ultra sound and the baby was perfect. We found out we were having a girl and our thrilled. We put it out on facebook and called and told people who we hadn't yet. Every time we tell the story (including what we put on facebook), is that this baby is a miracle...our RE told us it wouldn't happen, but God said it would..even our doctor calls it the miracle baby, etc. So, a cousin of my husbands who lives states away and I've only met once...wrote a congratulations on my facebook wall.
Trying to be nice to a family member that I dont know. I wrote back on her wall stating how excited we were and how excited my DH's family was (which is her family too) because this is the first grand child (everyone knows my MIL has wanted grandchildren soooo bad and her 2 kids married for 6 and 9 years don't have kids). I also wrote this is the 1st girl in my family and they are excited too (my 16 years old brother ripped the honor away from me of having the 1st grandchild when he knocked up his gf and gave me a nephew).
So, then I find out. My BIL called my DH and was upset because he read on his cousin's wall the first grand child thing and they consider their miscarriage (or possibly chemical pregnancy) the first. He went on to say how they've been doing opk's month after month and nothing...etc. My thought is...seriously, does he not remember we just went through 5 years of IF!!
It got resolved....and whatever. I guess my BIL said he is going to refer to our baby is the "first born" grandchild. Fine. I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I truly understand this pain they are going through. I sobbed every time I found out someone was pregnant, but I owned my feelings...it's called jealousy...and it wasn't the pregnant person's fault. I hated that about myself...I wish I could feel true joy for those I found out were pregnant, but I couldn't because my own selfish desire to have a child.
I don't know...thoughts?
A little background. My husband has a younger brother who got married 3 years before us (that's his only sibling). They decided to wait to try for kids until he was finished with school and got a job with benefits, etc so my SIL could stay home with the children. He was going for his doctrate...so that takes a while and he still doesn't have the full time job he was hoping for (he's trying to be a pastor...right now he has 2 part time jobs). We decided to ttc after about 1.5 years of marriage (we've now been married over 6 years). So, after us trying for about 4 years, we went to an RE and then after about a year with him with no headway we decided to adopt and ended up getting pregnant on our own. I'm currently about 19 weeks.
About a year ago (ish), my BIL called my DH to let him know that they had a miscarriage. We didn't even know they were ttc as their stated criteria hadn't been met. From what I know, they went in for a 6 week u/s, there was no heart beat and they had a d & c a couple of days later. I'm praying that there is more to that--that they were really sure that there was no baby...as many of us have read on here...that with out the blood work, etc... there could have very well been a viable pregnancy. My BIL and SIL know that we have been trying to concieve and having IF treatments for years at this point. We found out that they had been ttc for a couple of months when this happened. My BIL told my DH "At least you guys have never gotten pregnant and never had to go through this pain." I took some offense to that.... but whatever. I sent my SIL a card (we live about 3.5 hours apart and I don't really have a relationship with her)...we asked our church to pray for them...etc. I never heard back anything about the card or talked to them myself about it.
The more I now know about this stuff I do think it is likely that I have had miscarrages. My cycles are incredibly irregular...to the point where I've never been able to even really do opks because they are anywhere from 50 days to 6 months. I have had severe AFs with lots of bright red blood and clottings...so I think God was protecting me and not allowing me to know that I was miscarrying...I'm not sure I would have been strong enough during these 5 years to handle that.
Ok, so fast forward to recent times. We decided to wait to go public with the pregnancy news until our 18-20w ultra sound was normal. we did tell our family and close friends earlier, but we weren't like putting it out on facebook or anything until then. Also, my BIL and SIL who have known about the pregnancy since March have not called, e-mailed, sent a card, etc... to me. My DH does speak to his brother on the phone. So, this past Saturday we had our ultra sound and the baby was perfect. We found out we were having a girl and our thrilled. We put it out on facebook and called and told people who we hadn't yet. Every time we tell the story (including what we put on facebook), is that this baby is a miracle...our RE told us it wouldn't happen, but God said it would..even our doctor calls it the miracle baby, etc. So, a cousin of my husbands who lives states away and I've only met once...wrote a congratulations on my facebook wall.
Trying to be nice to a family member that I dont know. I wrote back on her wall stating how excited we were and how excited my DH's family was (which is her family too) because this is the first grand child (everyone knows my MIL has wanted grandchildren soooo bad and her 2 kids married for 6 and 9 years don't have kids). I also wrote this is the 1st girl in my family and they are excited too (my 16 years old brother ripped the honor away from me of having the 1st grandchild when he knocked up his gf and gave me a nephew).
So, then I find out. My BIL called my DH and was upset because he read on his cousin's wall the first grand child thing and they consider their miscarriage (or possibly chemical pregnancy) the first. He went on to say how they've been doing opk's month after month and nothing...etc. My thought is...seriously, does he not remember we just went through 5 years of IF!!
It got resolved....and whatever. I guess my BIL said he is going to refer to our baby is the "first born" grandchild. Fine. I'm not trying to take anything away from them. I truly understand this pain they are going through. I sobbed every time I found out someone was pregnant, but I owned my feelings...it's called jealousy...and it wasn't the pregnant person's fault. I hated that about myself...I wish I could feel true joy for those I found out were pregnant, but I couldn't because my own selfish desire to have a child.
I don't know...thoughts?
Replies