looking for normal

You know I get sad about the future I mean for one thing I want to do good and be maybe an occupational therapist or play therapist working mostly with kids of course but I just don't want to be an adult I have no who will love me as an adult not that that matters cause I have no one who loves me now. But I want that I want to feel loved in someones arms and I've never experienced other people have why can't i. I don't even really know how to take care of myself I couldn't keep a house tidy I can't cook, I can't even do my own hair and there's just a whole lot of can'ts and no one to show me how. And there's all the problems that keep poping up like the fact that now I have to see a neurologist because of fluid build up in my brain. I was always seeing doctors though it's nothing new to me I've always been a sick puppy a sick puppy looking for normal