Looking back as a way forward

We didn't move in together until our youngest was 3 months old. I never could have envisioned, not in my worst nightmare, the hell that was about to engulf mine and my children's lives. From the beginning things were bad. Countless times I had to pick up broken dishes and entire meals off the floor because the food was reheated or it wasn't cooked the way he liked it. The kids had to be silent and preferably asleep whenever he got home. I had to listen to him rant, rave, and belittle me and my family and friends without uttering a word or else. I was often woken in the middle of the night to him having sex with me, or worse to my being thrown in the floor because fir some reason he couldn't. I was choked because I was lazy, or kicked because I had talked to someone he didn't approve of, my prized possessions were broken up and destroyed because I want paying enough attention to him, I was thrown into a wall for daring to talk back, I was dragged into the house by my hair, my children were ripped from my arms and locked in their rooms or in the house while I was locked out frantically trying to get to them because, I couldn't see my family, I couldn't see my friends, I couldn't go anywhere for fear that he would fly into a rage, or worse show up and humiliate me. When a lady called the house to offer me a job, he embarrassed me so badly be saying rude and hideousthings loudly iI had to hang up and never spoke to her again. Lord, I think he may be here now so more tomorrow