Looking back
So I was just looking back over my '30 Day LGBT challenge'. I can't believe I did it over a year ago! So much has changed since then, I've changed so much and so has my life. If I were to do the challenge again I think every single one of my answers would be completely different. I think only one thing is the same in my life as it was over a year ago- I'm not out to my parents. God knows I've tried to tell them but I always chicken out which sucks.
I've had a pretty rough year and a half. I've had my heart broken by someone I met on here and that I don't think I'll ever get over completely. She saved me when I felt like no one would ever understand what I was going through. I'll forever be grateful to her. Turns out that she's not really gay and has a boyfriend now. I guess for her it really was 'just a phase'. I prefer to think that than think that she was lying to me about how she felt for the better part of a year.
I'm with someone else now and she's amazing. Crazy thing is I've know her since I was about 11 but I was so wrapped up in trying to figure out my sexuality and denying it to myself that I didn't realise that the most amazing person was right in front of me. But I found her in the end. I love her so much and, as corny as this sounds, she's pulled down every wall I put up after having my heart smashed to pieces.
Up until recently I've been doing really good but then I got depressed. And not just a typical teenage girl 'I hate the world' depressed but a real 'I don't think I can go on' depressed. Because of how I've been feeling I started self-harming. Not blood pouring out of my wrists self-harming. Just deep scratches on my wrists.
I realised as soon as I started doing it that I needed help. So in January I'm going to start seeing a counsellor. Hopefully that'll help. My parents don't know. I don't want them to know because I feel like they don't know me at all. I don't blame them though. 2012 has been a rough year for everyone. My Mam broke her back and then my Nana got cancer for the 3 time, which thankfully she beat! So I totally understand why they haven't really been playing close attention to what's going on in my life.
Hopefully 2013 will be a better year.
I've had a pretty rough year and a half. I've had my heart broken by someone I met on here and that I don't think I'll ever get over completely. She saved me when I felt like no one would ever understand what I was going through. I'll forever be grateful to her. Turns out that she's not really gay and has a boyfriend now. I guess for her it really was 'just a phase'. I prefer to think that than think that she was lying to me about how she felt for the better part of a year.
I'm with someone else now and she's amazing. Crazy thing is I've know her since I was about 11 but I was so wrapped up in trying to figure out my sexuality and denying it to myself that I didn't realise that the most amazing person was right in front of me. But I found her in the end. I love her so much and, as corny as this sounds, she's pulled down every wall I put up after having my heart smashed to pieces.
Up until recently I've been doing really good but then I got depressed. And not just a typical teenage girl 'I hate the world' depressed but a real 'I don't think I can go on' depressed. Because of how I've been feeling I started self-harming. Not blood pouring out of my wrists self-harming. Just deep scratches on my wrists.
I realised as soon as I started doing it that I needed help. So in January I'm going to start seeing a counsellor. Hopefully that'll help. My parents don't know. I don't want them to know because I feel like they don't know me at all. I don't blame them though. 2012 has been a rough year for everyone. My Mam broke her back and then my Nana got cancer for the 3 time, which thankfully she beat! So I totally understand why they haven't really been playing close attention to what's going on in my life.
Hopefully 2013 will be a better year.
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