Looking back

I've been ill ever since I was 14. I don't know if it was Fibro back then but Fibro and RA did eventually set in. I'm turning 40 next January... I really didn't think I'd make it to 40 so I guess that's something. I've never been married. I was engaged once but she couldn't handle my illness and ran away. I can't say I blame her, we were young. A few years later she told me it was one of the biggest mistakes leaving. It made me feel better about myself but it was never the same between us. From age 20 to 32 I helped raise my brother's kids. Sometimes I regret not having some of my own. I've had to give up so much in life because of my illness. In the grand scheme of things I hope there was a purpose to all this suffering. I hope there is a God and a heaven... and all this matters.