Lonliness
Gee I don't even know where to start. Cept, I'm lonely, and tire of it...I've tried to ignore being alone for eight years.I've always been careful not to put too much hope into finding a soulmate, cause gee with my disabilites... specially hearing loss who'd want all the extra baggage.I had hopes of finding some one with disabilites that could understand.I'm wondering if I'm just a crazy old fart that needs to cool my heels and go back to just facin the fact maybe my ex was rite...I'm fat and ugly and no one wants to put up with my disability.Then I tell myself naweee... now I"m givin in to the same ole abusive chit I had to deal with as a child.It gets kinda cornfussin to me lately.. nothing seem to be workin out.Couple years ago I went on that plenty of fish thing for online date-N.... hehehe even tried some the pay for date online thingys... same ole same ole... I'd send a email and it get deleted faster than a jackolop runn cross the texas plains... I been told to not be so honest on my profile, hehehe but hey them little white lies I had to deal with as a child still haunt me sometimes... besides it's not fun wondering if someones gonna have a harmonal distrubance when they find out ya was fibbin thru ya teeth... I grew up with my parents fibbin thru their teeth. Everything they told me was a lie... outside being beat and verbal abuse neglected and the horrible memories I carry in my soul... I find not being honest and up front very uncomfortable to myself... I don't care how other folks do things in their lifes.. I'm not here to judge... I just have to work out my own salvation... so nuff of this I reckon... I just gonna say sometimes it do seem that nice folks finish last... Havein vented all this I know one thing... I'd rather finish last. At least I'm still true to myself.. my yes means yes and my no means no.. in a world where a persons word means nothin... I'm still a person of my words.. So as I tinker thru another day, least I'm glad I got that off my chest... NOw where did I crawl out from under that rock.... here rocky ... dang I cant' find it... jeeeeezhhhh... have a great day RUss
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