Long Weekend Blues

My upper eyelid lid has been mildly and uncontrollably "twitching" these past few days. Annoying. I just looked it up on web MD and it says causes can be due to "emotional stress" or "fatigue." Hmmm- might apply to new widows or widowers! Luckily it supposedly goes away on its own.  This is the first 3 day weekend without my playmate. If Marc were here we would have had people over for a barbecue, or went out with others somewhere, maybe sailing or walking along the beach-- at least enjoying the time together. Even though I don't work, and a hollday/day off is no big deal me for, I feel particularly lonely, knowing that others are "off" and doing stuff together or just relaxing together on a non-work Monday. Everyone I know is a "couple" and I'm actually feeling envious of their "coupledom." They don't realize how lucky they are. I took our "coupledom" for granted, until it was ripped away. I took for granted what a precious gift it was to have a partner that cared completely about everything I said, did, or thought (and vice versa.) I know I could be cooking and inviting people over--and i have since Marc passed, and enjoy it-- but this weekend I couldn't muster up the energy or desire to make that happen. Or go to a Memorial Service for veterans. Now I wish I had. it would have been better than sitting around feeling sorry for myself with nothing to do Memorial Day. Looking at Marc's old high school photos posted on Eileen Glenn's facebook. How pathetic is that? So glad to be able to write this somewhere. I wouldn't write this on facebook because then you have friends feeling guilty that they need to do something for you or invite you over...On this Widow/Widower site, y'all can just reply, "Yup. Been there, done that" and that is helpful.