Long Weekend and Finally Feeling A Little Better
Well I'm FINALLY getting over being sick! My husband and I also got a much needed long weekend. We spent a lot of time together and I finally felt ready to talk. I'm not over this...Not even close but I am ready to start working on us.
I know sex isn't the answer but I am also aware that us not making enough time for it was a problem. NOT regular (Vanilla) sex but all out porn. See that's the thing we are both VERY sexually active people, not afraid to do anything in the bedroom with each other but we were always to tiered to do the things we both really like doing.So that is what we are finally getting back to...Our freaky ass sex life.
I guess I feel differently this time because he didn't actually sleep with anyone again( as far as I know anyway). He say's it was all about the porn and sexting so he felt desirable. I can understand that. He say's he thinks I'm gorgeous but I have had self image problems for as long as I can remember. I'm still getting an STD test, I obviously can never trust anyone again or at least that is how I feel and don't see that ever changing.
So this weekend I decided regardless of how tiered I am, I'm still going to make our sex life my number 1 priority in our marriage. If it takes blow jobs before work or going to see him on his lunch break in nothing but a rain coat, that's what I'm going to do. I watched porn with him this weekend( Something I haven't done since I was a teen) and honestly it was HOT. Question why is it in the past 15 years the women in porn have gotten hotter but the men still look like 70's porn stars LOL.
Now here's the catch... 2 years ago when he cheated on me( Texting and sleeping with someone) I had an STD test immediately. It came back all negative. When I go to this appointment and get them done again... if I am positive for anything I am going to have to leave. I plan on talking to my husband and making it crystal clear that this is a LAST chance to come completely clean if he hasn't already. If he has cheated on me physically and not just online this will be the only opportunity he will have to tell me and I will still try and work it out. If I find out he has still been lying to me there will be absolutely no more discussions... We will just be over, end of story.
I know sex isn't the answer but I am also aware that us not making enough time for it was a problem. NOT regular (Vanilla) sex but all out porn. See that's the thing we are both VERY sexually active people, not afraid to do anything in the bedroom with each other but we were always to tiered to do the things we both really like doing.So that is what we are finally getting back to...Our freaky ass sex life.
I guess I feel differently this time because he didn't actually sleep with anyone again( as far as I know anyway). He say's it was all about the porn and sexting so he felt desirable. I can understand that. He say's he thinks I'm gorgeous but I have had self image problems for as long as I can remember. I'm still getting an STD test, I obviously can never trust anyone again or at least that is how I feel and don't see that ever changing.
So this weekend I decided regardless of how tiered I am, I'm still going to make our sex life my number 1 priority in our marriage. If it takes blow jobs before work or going to see him on his lunch break in nothing but a rain coat, that's what I'm going to do. I watched porn with him this weekend( Something I haven't done since I was a teen) and honestly it was HOT. Question why is it in the past 15 years the women in porn have gotten hotter but the men still look like 70's porn stars LOL.
Now here's the catch... 2 years ago when he cheated on me( Texting and sleeping with someone) I had an STD test immediately. It came back all negative. When I go to this appointment and get them done again... if I am positive for anything I am going to have to leave. I plan on talking to my husband and making it crystal clear that this is a LAST chance to come completely clean if he hasn't already. If he has cheated on me physically and not just online this will be the only opportunity he will have to tell me and I will still try and work it out. If I find out he has still been lying to me there will be absolutely no more discussions... We will just be over, end of story.
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