Long Weekend
We went to the graduation party of our great nephew this weekend. Unfortunately, it rained and we were all stuffed in a garage with folding chairs and our food on our laps. This would not bother most people but it is very hard for me. First getting up their very steep driveway - with a cane - on a very slick surface. I wanted to take my walker but was told there would be no room.
I should mention here that my husband's family has never accepted me. I am the one and only member of his entire family that has ever been divorced. I did not think this bothered my husband until I actually moved to Nebraska and I was about to be introduced to his family. Then I received instruction NOT to mention that I was divorced. HMMMM ..... I had two daughters. Would it be better to have them think that I had been an unmarried slut? I think not. But his family is VERY religious. I too am a believer in God. But they have two Pastors in the family and four that work in called positions in their local Lutheran schools. I was Catholic. Another big HMMM .....
So I used to attend most family gatherings when his Dad was still alive. His Mom and Dad are the only ones that accepted me unconditionally. After all, their son was 57 when he married me and had never been married before. I think they just felt a sense of relief that he finally had someone. Not so with the brothers and sisters. And their children? Wow! They acted like I had the plague. And then came this graduation party.
We do not hear from this family even at Christmas. With 11 of his family member right here in this city, when Hubby had cancer, I had to do everything myself. Even when I pointedly asked for help, I was actually refused! To me, family does not act like that. Mine certainly wouldn't. But they were 10 hours away.
So we go to this graduation party. Our great nephew had done very well for himself and did receive multiple scholarships. But when we arrived and he was forced to introduce us to his friends, he said, "This is my Uncle Dave and his um .... she's kind of a relative I guess." Wow! But he sure grabbed that card out of my hand fast enough. The invitation had said, "New items to furnish a dorm room would be appreciated." Again, I thought that was tacky. We gave a gift card so he could get what he still needed after everything else was put together.
I cannot stand for more than 3-5 minutes at a time and walking with a cane is chancy for me. The more people that arrived, the further to the back of the garage we were pushed. I finally told my husband we needed to find some food or leave as my blood sugar was getting way too low. It was 4 hours past supper time by then. He fought the crowd and came back with two pieces of cake, three kinds of potato chips, a plastic glass full of M&M's and that was it. The hot food was way at the other side of the garage and he couldn't get through. He ate all that sugar (I am diabetic) and we had to leave by the back garage door. That meant walking downhill, on thick uneven sod, that was very wet from the rain. And me with nothing but a cane that sunk into the mud.
Of course I slipped twice and got mud all over my capris. No one offered to help, although two brothers sat and watched us go. Yesterday, his sister and her husband left to go back to South Dakota. David (my husband) was invited to brunch. I was not. He never thinks to stand up for me and say that he will not come if I am not included. He just goes - says it is easier to keep the peace in his family. i do not understand this.
When my daughter died at Thanksgiving, his entire family knew but I never even got a card of condolence. So I am thinking of all the soldier's that gave their lives for this freedom that I have today. I have few family members that I have lost to the military. But I do have several classmates that I remember that lost their lives in Vietnam. I refuse to be a bitter person simply because I am not included in my husband's family. I will continue to send birthday and Christmas cards. I will remember anniversaries and take care of my 95 year old mother-in-law as best I can. But I will never belong here. I am blessed to be able to lead a solitary life and not feel badly about it. I guess I have learned to be a loner. And what did I learn from my dead daughter? Life is far too short to let other define who I am. I am simply me and no one can change that unless I let them. And that is not going to happen!t
I should mention here that my husband's family has never accepted me. I am the one and only member of his entire family that has ever been divorced. I did not think this bothered my husband until I actually moved to Nebraska and I was about to be introduced to his family. Then I received instruction NOT to mention that I was divorced. HMMMM ..... I had two daughters. Would it be better to have them think that I had been an unmarried slut? I think not. But his family is VERY religious. I too am a believer in God. But they have two Pastors in the family and four that work in called positions in their local Lutheran schools. I was Catholic. Another big HMMM .....
So I used to attend most family gatherings when his Dad was still alive. His Mom and Dad are the only ones that accepted me unconditionally. After all, their son was 57 when he married me and had never been married before. I think they just felt a sense of relief that he finally had someone. Not so with the brothers and sisters. And their children? Wow! They acted like I had the plague. And then came this graduation party.
We do not hear from this family even at Christmas. With 11 of his family member right here in this city, when Hubby had cancer, I had to do everything myself. Even when I pointedly asked for help, I was actually refused! To me, family does not act like that. Mine certainly wouldn't. But they were 10 hours away.
So we go to this graduation party. Our great nephew had done very well for himself and did receive multiple scholarships. But when we arrived and he was forced to introduce us to his friends, he said, "This is my Uncle Dave and his um .... she's kind of a relative I guess." Wow! But he sure grabbed that card out of my hand fast enough. The invitation had said, "New items to furnish a dorm room would be appreciated." Again, I thought that was tacky. We gave a gift card so he could get what he still needed after everything else was put together.
I cannot stand for more than 3-5 minutes at a time and walking with a cane is chancy for me. The more people that arrived, the further to the back of the garage we were pushed. I finally told my husband we needed to find some food or leave as my blood sugar was getting way too low. It was 4 hours past supper time by then. He fought the crowd and came back with two pieces of cake, three kinds of potato chips, a plastic glass full of M&M's and that was it. The hot food was way at the other side of the garage and he couldn't get through. He ate all that sugar (I am diabetic) and we had to leave by the back garage door. That meant walking downhill, on thick uneven sod, that was very wet from the rain. And me with nothing but a cane that sunk into the mud.
Of course I slipped twice and got mud all over my capris. No one offered to help, although two brothers sat and watched us go. Yesterday, his sister and her husband left to go back to South Dakota. David (my husband) was invited to brunch. I was not. He never thinks to stand up for me and say that he will not come if I am not included. He just goes - says it is easier to keep the peace in his family. i do not understand this.
When my daughter died at Thanksgiving, his entire family knew but I never even got a card of condolence. So I am thinking of all the soldier's that gave their lives for this freedom that I have today. I have few family members that I have lost to the military. But I do have several classmates that I remember that lost their lives in Vietnam. I refuse to be a bitter person simply because I am not included in my husband's family. I will continue to send birthday and Christmas cards. I will remember anniversaries and take care of my 95 year old mother-in-law as best I can. But I will never belong here. I am blessed to be able to lead a solitary life and not feel badly about it. I guess I have learned to be a loner. And what did I learn from my dead daughter? Life is far too short to let other define who I am. I am simply me and no one can change that unless I let them. And that is not going to happen!t
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