Long Walk Today
Today I went for a long walk.. a mile and a half. It was more than my body was used to, so I came home super tired. I tried to take a nap, but I couldn't sleep. I wish I could, but it was in vain. I did sleep for a long time last night, but it was not good sleep. I took a nap a while after I woke up and did get some good sleep in then, but only a couple of hours worth. Not enough to make up for a night of bad sleep. I'm so tired right now, but I have a feeling I won't be able to sleep again tonight. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing.. eating, exercising, not drinking caffeine- but it doesn't seem to be enough. I just want to sleep, and get some good sleep. I don't know if taking the Restoril last night was a good idea, but it was the only thing I could think of to fall asleep. We had some plumbing issues last night and they were working on the pipes at 11pm. It was making this loud racket and banging inside of the walls. I took the Restoril and fell asleep with it still going on. I don't know what time they finished, Geo was awake and took care of it. He didn't sleep until late this morning, and then he slept until about 3pm, when I woke up from my nap. I then went for my walk.
I felt like my walk was a fail, since I sat down a bunch of times while walking. I've never sat this much while walking, and I feel like it's down on me. I did get in over a mile and a half, so it's not like it was just a stroll down the driveway. I just felt so tired when it was over, and sat like 5-6 times while walking. I'm talking just stop in the middle of the sidewalk and plop down on the grass on the side, try and find some shade and rest. My legs aren't sore, and actually my calf felt better after I was done (the one that's been sore) so it did me some good. I just feel that if I sit that it's a failure. I don't think that I'm projecting as much on myself right now (my walk was a failure so I'm a failure)... my mood is actually not too bad. I'm just tired. I think I'm going to keep my mood as okay since I feel okay today. I don't feel bad or depressed, just tired. My mood isn't good, though, I know that much. I think I pushed myself too hard on my walk today. I think I needed to feel either better or worse to get as far as I wanted to go. Better to have the energy to walk more, or worse to drive me to walk more. I can get pretty far when I'm angry. I don't get far when I'm depressed, but I try.
I just feel a bit off today. I don't know if it's because I'm so tired, but it could be. I know this journal is all about how tired I am, but I really am tired lol. It's the only thing I can think about. But I know as soon as I put the computer down, I'm going to be awake and unable to sleep. My stomach has been hurting today, too, from all that food I ate yesterday. It was good, but it hurt so bad. I was on the toilet for most of the morning. I guess the combination of my stomach and me not having energy was the thing that sent me over the edge and made today not a good day. I barely ate today, too. I ate about 1,100 calories so far, and that's actually more than I ate. I can't force myself to eat any more... I'm full. I have to go to the grocery store soon to get bread and milk, and maybe some chicken. I know we are going to be getting low on soda, too. I don't want to have to go to the store tomorrow, but I think if Geo's dad is available, I'm going to have to. I have to get too many heavy things to carry. I need to call my stepdad tomorrow, too. He's getting home from Italy tonight, so I want to give him tonight to rest and call him tomorrow.
Food was bad today, not enough calories. Water for the day was good.. I drank my 8 cups and more. Stress was okay today... I think part of me having to sit so much while walking was stress somehow. I think it was me not pushing myself hard enough, but at the same time pushing too hard. I don't know if that makes any sense. I was pushing too hard to go so far, but not enough by letting myself sit so much. I should have just taken it easier and gone a shorter distance. Oh well, I'm learning. Sleep and mood I covered above, so I think that's it for the night! Oh, and by the way, I'm not nearly as tired anymore. Go figure. I hate it when that happens.
I felt like my walk was a fail, since I sat down a bunch of times while walking. I've never sat this much while walking, and I feel like it's down on me. I did get in over a mile and a half, so it's not like it was just a stroll down the driveway. I just felt so tired when it was over, and sat like 5-6 times while walking. I'm talking just stop in the middle of the sidewalk and plop down on the grass on the side, try and find some shade and rest. My legs aren't sore, and actually my calf felt better after I was done (the one that's been sore) so it did me some good. I just feel that if I sit that it's a failure. I don't think that I'm projecting as much on myself right now (my walk was a failure so I'm a failure)... my mood is actually not too bad. I'm just tired. I think I'm going to keep my mood as okay since I feel okay today. I don't feel bad or depressed, just tired. My mood isn't good, though, I know that much. I think I pushed myself too hard on my walk today. I think I needed to feel either better or worse to get as far as I wanted to go. Better to have the energy to walk more, or worse to drive me to walk more. I can get pretty far when I'm angry. I don't get far when I'm depressed, but I try.
I just feel a bit off today. I don't know if it's because I'm so tired, but it could be. I know this journal is all about how tired I am, but I really am tired lol. It's the only thing I can think about. But I know as soon as I put the computer down, I'm going to be awake and unable to sleep. My stomach has been hurting today, too, from all that food I ate yesterday. It was good, but it hurt so bad. I was on the toilet for most of the morning. I guess the combination of my stomach and me not having energy was the thing that sent me over the edge and made today not a good day. I barely ate today, too. I ate about 1,100 calories so far, and that's actually more than I ate. I can't force myself to eat any more... I'm full. I have to go to the grocery store soon to get bread and milk, and maybe some chicken. I know we are going to be getting low on soda, too. I don't want to have to go to the store tomorrow, but I think if Geo's dad is available, I'm going to have to. I have to get too many heavy things to carry. I need to call my stepdad tomorrow, too. He's getting home from Italy tonight, so I want to give him tonight to rest and call him tomorrow.
Food was bad today, not enough calories. Water for the day was good.. I drank my 8 cups and more. Stress was okay today... I think part of me having to sit so much while walking was stress somehow. I think it was me not pushing myself hard enough, but at the same time pushing too hard. I don't know if that makes any sense. I was pushing too hard to go so far, but not enough by letting myself sit so much. I should have just taken it easier and gone a shorter distance. Oh well, I'm learning. Sleep and mood I covered above, so I think that's it for the night! Oh, and by the way, I'm not nearly as tired anymore. Go figure. I hate it when that happens.
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