Long walks
Oh these long walks are helping. They seem to clear my mind and lift me up and tire me. I am dealing with a little heartbreak. But I am being productive, with my reading on breakups and verbal abuse, with my general Al Anon and spiritual readings.
I am enjoying the feel of the sun and the wind on my walks. I like going to the next town, which I finally did today. Great to be here. I'll be working here in a week or so temporarily, yay! I don't have T's car - I don't NEED it. Today I saw him drive up to the meeting where I was and immediately left. I am being kind to myself and avoiding him.
I'd told him the night of the 'breakup' to leave me alone. He has no boundaries and can't respect mine - a month or so ago he told me he had never had a gf with boundaries. The breakup night he saw it as a problem, that I could say no!
So yeah I have a little anger. I got texts that night that were mean and answered him with utmost kindness and gratitude. Then the next night, hope you are ok, be happy. I bawled when I read it and avoided checking txts until the next day- since Tuesday I have only cried one day,Thursday. Then txts, are we still friends? We are as far as I'm concerned. Then after I didn't reply a "fine whatever" so yesterday I checked the texts and replied I NEED SPACE I'M HURT
OK so today starts day one with no contact rule which means I can't read his texts or anything. So he probably wont' send any, to him I guess sex is like a hand shake, to me I got attached. So it is my choices I get to have consequences for. So goal of no contact for 60 days. So meetings, have to avoid those he frequents and feel free to leave if he comes in because I don't need to pretend to be strong. I cut off my feelings long enough the way he wanted it. I have feelings! They are useful! They guide me towards truth and light and it is ok.
I'll admit I still have a crush on the OTHER T and I still like T, but I really NEED to mind my own business at these mixed meetings and may consider leaving immediately after and getting there not early, because I'm vulnerable. These are men I'm drawn to, sober alcoholics working a spiritual program like me! So. I have work to do.
Really seeing SLAA as a good goal. And yeah, just continue to try to stay in today and be productive and just not let stuff get me down.
My God Box was FULL of old worries that are GONE as a result of not any longer having the car, the job, the guy, the responsiblity of his truck and his son. GONE. Thank you God. Another door is opening.
Oh I made a sale with my tie dyes! I am making them as gifts and finally accepted pay. Thank you God. A small but mighty gesture. A good hobby for me these days.
Today I got to lay in the park and listen to the healing sound of the drum circle. I felt so blessed to be grounded and to be present and to have some self respect and get out of a tough situation. Good for me.
I am enjoying the feel of the sun and the wind on my walks. I like going to the next town, which I finally did today. Great to be here. I'll be working here in a week or so temporarily, yay! I don't have T's car - I don't NEED it. Today I saw him drive up to the meeting where I was and immediately left. I am being kind to myself and avoiding him.
I'd told him the night of the 'breakup' to leave me alone. He has no boundaries and can't respect mine - a month or so ago he told me he had never had a gf with boundaries. The breakup night he saw it as a problem, that I could say no!
So yeah I have a little anger. I got texts that night that were mean and answered him with utmost kindness and gratitude. Then the next night, hope you are ok, be happy. I bawled when I read it and avoided checking txts until the next day- since Tuesday I have only cried one day,Thursday. Then txts, are we still friends? We are as far as I'm concerned. Then after I didn't reply a "fine whatever" so yesterday I checked the texts and replied I NEED SPACE I'M HURT
OK so today starts day one with no contact rule which means I can't read his texts or anything. So he probably wont' send any, to him I guess sex is like a hand shake, to me I got attached. So it is my choices I get to have consequences for. So goal of no contact for 60 days. So meetings, have to avoid those he frequents and feel free to leave if he comes in because I don't need to pretend to be strong. I cut off my feelings long enough the way he wanted it. I have feelings! They are useful! They guide me towards truth and light and it is ok.
I'll admit I still have a crush on the OTHER T and I still like T, but I really NEED to mind my own business at these mixed meetings and may consider leaving immediately after and getting there not early, because I'm vulnerable. These are men I'm drawn to, sober alcoholics working a spiritual program like me! So. I have work to do.
Really seeing SLAA as a good goal. And yeah, just continue to try to stay in today and be productive and just not let stuff get me down.
My God Box was FULL of old worries that are GONE as a result of not any longer having the car, the job, the guy, the responsiblity of his truck and his son. GONE. Thank you God. Another door is opening.
Oh I made a sale with my tie dyes! I am making them as gifts and finally accepted pay. Thank you God. A small but mighty gesture. A good hobby for me these days.
Today I got to lay in the park and listen to the healing sound of the drum circle. I felt so blessed to be grounded and to be present and to have some self respect and get out of a tough situation. Good for me.
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