long time no write
Wow, last entry was May? Doesn't seem right. But here I am in October, doing fine on the "new" doc's changes. In fact, he has a new doctor working there so now I have a NEW new doctor. I have no idea if I just see the new new guy every month now, or if I just see whomever is working there, but at least I know I have a doctor. At least, I THINK I do.
Dr. was great- he changed my doses to more long-acting and less short acting but kept me on the same meds. He did cut out 1 muscle relaxant a day leaving me with only 2, but that's mostly all I need. In fact I used to go months w/o refilling it b/c my old doc gave me 90 a month. The new regime, as I call it, works well, though with Winter coming I would prefer to have more quick-acting for breakthrough pain. Other than that, I'm okay.
I AM worried, though, about Dr's worries that I have a ways to drive to see him. When I last saw him he terrified me by saying he wanted to find me a doc closer to where I lived, but he doesn't realize that less than an hour's drive is nothing! I listen to Sirius Radio the whole way and it's freeway all the way so it is so much shorter than I'd thought. I always get there 45 minutes or more early, and they so far have SEEN me that early. I just leave at the same time and if I get there early, I get there. In winter I know it'll take a bit longer on some days but once a month is NOT a big deal
So his worries about Winter and driving and being late or missing appt's are unfounded. No one here treats CP anyway (except by doing unnecessary procedures) so when I "found" him I felt like I'd won the lottery. But he kept bringing up the fact that I had to drive so far, and he does this with another patient, and then 2 months ago when he and I were chatting during my appt., he just up and says "I think I need to find you a closer doctor." We get along SO well that I was stunned. But then again, he seems to worry a lot about patients who come in from different cities, but he knows that there ARE no pain docs around here. I was tricked into one who said they were but they left people crying in their waiting rooms and kicked you out if you weren't a candidate for surgery or procedures. I hated that office- it was literally full of people who were suffering, and at the hands of so-called "pain docs". I wonder if any of them have consciences.
So last month I go in to talk to him, ready to tell him that he has nothing to worry about, when a new doctor comes in. I liked the new guy, but no one told ME I was getting a new doctor. I'm pretty sure he is permanent b/c he is on the appt. cards. So I have an appt on Tuesday and I don't know WHAT to expect. I am praying it is no big deal and Dr#1 doesn't worry about driving or I see #2. I think I could really get along with #2, he seemed quite nice. He also said he liked the fact that my RSD hadn't spread, and I said "Me too!" and we laughed. He looked at my foot and I told him it was fine but i was quite worried he would touch it- I am so anal about people even breathing on that foot. We talked about Spinal cord stimulator but I am terrified of medical procedures and extremely needle phobic, and after having an epidural during childbirth in 2003 that wore off foot 1st, I'm leery of procedures.
I so want to relax, like I did with my doc of many years, but when I relaxed the most he died. He always said I was an easy patient, that he could tell me what I was going to say (pain fine most of the year, levels higher in winter) and he was just managing my medication in the end. I miss him. He died a year ago. Is THAT why I felt the need to come here today?
My hubby is going to a convention and I'll have my son all alone for 3 days and nights, and one of those is Tuesday. I'm going to drive to the doc appt and pray nothing is changed, nothing scaring me is said (like we want to explore the SCS) or that the doc found me someone new. I know so well that finding a new doc means they want to do everything but what works. Why don't CP patients have the rights that other sick people do? If meds have worked for me for almost 15 years, why mess with it? As my late doc used to say, "If it works, don't mess with it." He knew how bad RSD could and can get. He knew I was lucky it didn't spread. He knew I was lucky to never have had to increase my dose.
But now I deal with a new doc or docs and thought we got along so well, and we do, but he doesn't GET that for me to find a new doc closer, even by 10 minutes, might cost me my way of life. I can't live w/o the pain being dealt with and I sure as heck can't do all I do. I'd lose my job, end up in bed in a dark room, not being a mom or a wife, let alone anything else. I remember those days from when I was 1st diagnosed. I can't go back there. Yet I can't live in limbo either. I need to know if this doctor who agreed to take me on is going to stay with me. I have done nothing to displease him, am NEVER late, follow every rule and pay my bill on time. Is it really a BAD thing that it takes 40-45 minutes to get to his office? It isn't in MY world. And it doesn't affect him at all. I get that he wants to help, but to help would be just to continue to care for me. Maybe now that he has a new partner in there, he won't worry so much.
Tuesday maybe I'll find out. I just can't handle bad news right now. So much in the works this month, and no time for rampant insomnia. I guess I just keep praying about it. And maybe next time I do a journal entry, it will literally be a thing of the past.
Dr. was great- he changed my doses to more long-acting and less short acting but kept me on the same meds. He did cut out 1 muscle relaxant a day leaving me with only 2, but that's mostly all I need. In fact I used to go months w/o refilling it b/c my old doc gave me 90 a month. The new regime, as I call it, works well, though with Winter coming I would prefer to have more quick-acting for breakthrough pain. Other than that, I'm okay.
I AM worried, though, about Dr's worries that I have a ways to drive to see him. When I last saw him he terrified me by saying he wanted to find me a doc closer to where I lived, but he doesn't realize that less than an hour's drive is nothing! I listen to Sirius Radio the whole way and it's freeway all the way so it is so much shorter than I'd thought. I always get there 45 minutes or more early, and they so far have SEEN me that early. I just leave at the same time and if I get there early, I get there. In winter I know it'll take a bit longer on some days but once a month is NOT a big deal
So his worries about Winter and driving and being late or missing appt's are unfounded. No one here treats CP anyway (except by doing unnecessary procedures) so when I "found" him I felt like I'd won the lottery. But he kept bringing up the fact that I had to drive so far, and he does this with another patient, and then 2 months ago when he and I were chatting during my appt., he just up and says "I think I need to find you a closer doctor." We get along SO well that I was stunned. But then again, he seems to worry a lot about patients who come in from different cities, but he knows that there ARE no pain docs around here. I was tricked into one who said they were but they left people crying in their waiting rooms and kicked you out if you weren't a candidate for surgery or procedures. I hated that office- it was literally full of people who were suffering, and at the hands of so-called "pain docs". I wonder if any of them have consciences.
So last month I go in to talk to him, ready to tell him that he has nothing to worry about, when a new doctor comes in. I liked the new guy, but no one told ME I was getting a new doctor. I'm pretty sure he is permanent b/c he is on the appt. cards. So I have an appt on Tuesday and I don't know WHAT to expect. I am praying it is no big deal and Dr#1 doesn't worry about driving or I see #2. I think I could really get along with #2, he seemed quite nice. He also said he liked the fact that my RSD hadn't spread, and I said "Me too!" and we laughed. He looked at my foot and I told him it was fine but i was quite worried he would touch it- I am so anal about people even breathing on that foot. We talked about Spinal cord stimulator but I am terrified of medical procedures and extremely needle phobic, and after having an epidural during childbirth in 2003 that wore off foot 1st, I'm leery of procedures.
I so want to relax, like I did with my doc of many years, but when I relaxed the most he died. He always said I was an easy patient, that he could tell me what I was going to say (pain fine most of the year, levels higher in winter) and he was just managing my medication in the end. I miss him. He died a year ago. Is THAT why I felt the need to come here today?
My hubby is going to a convention and I'll have my son all alone for 3 days and nights, and one of those is Tuesday. I'm going to drive to the doc appt and pray nothing is changed, nothing scaring me is said (like we want to explore the SCS) or that the doc found me someone new. I know so well that finding a new doc means they want to do everything but what works. Why don't CP patients have the rights that other sick people do? If meds have worked for me for almost 15 years, why mess with it? As my late doc used to say, "If it works, don't mess with it." He knew how bad RSD could and can get. He knew I was lucky it didn't spread. He knew I was lucky to never have had to increase my dose.
But now I deal with a new doc or docs and thought we got along so well, and we do, but he doesn't GET that for me to find a new doc closer, even by 10 minutes, might cost me my way of life. I can't live w/o the pain being dealt with and I sure as heck can't do all I do. I'd lose my job, end up in bed in a dark room, not being a mom or a wife, let alone anything else. I remember those days from when I was 1st diagnosed. I can't go back there. Yet I can't live in limbo either. I need to know if this doctor who agreed to take me on is going to stay with me. I have done nothing to displease him, am NEVER late, follow every rule and pay my bill on time. Is it really a BAD thing that it takes 40-45 minutes to get to his office? It isn't in MY world. And it doesn't affect him at all. I get that he wants to help, but to help would be just to continue to care for me. Maybe now that he has a new partner in there, he won't worry so much.
Tuesday maybe I'll find out. I just can't handle bad news right now. So much in the works this month, and no time for rampant insomnia. I guess I just keep praying about it. And maybe next time I do a journal entry, it will literally be a thing of the past.
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