Long TIme comming 11/07
Hi all this past week has been very stressful, When it Rains It Pores! Not only am I dealing with “stuff at work” but I just could not take the separation and loneliness this weekend.
Sunday night I found my $a!!& and out and out asked the wife if she was happy? And told her that I could not handle the loneliness anymore. That in 10 years, 5 years or next year I did not want our marriage the way it currently is or has been. And that I needed counselors help to sort things out. And that I loved her and always had, but I needed to be loved back. She sad that she had not been happy either and it was a lot due to her and “The Way She Was”. And she know that we had just become roommates and not husband and wife. She also said that hurting me was the last thing she had ever wanted to do (I got emotional when I told her how much I still loved her). She said that she loved me, but the love in her heart for me had just “disappeared” and was not there anymore. (That hurt!).
The oldest and grandkids are planning to be here over the Holidays so the Wife said Can We Wait until after the Holidays? And I said I don’t even want it then, but yes (the word divorce was never spoken). We both looked around and in bewilderment to the 23 years of history, both realizing that all we have together would not be much or just junk apart). And she held my head as I cried saying she was sorry. She said that as much as she disagrees with counseling she said I could talk to someone, but did not give the impression that she would go.
Yesterday and now today she has been distant what little time I have been home due to work. I still kissed her HI and Bye saying I love you (because I do) but also now having an empty spot down deep because I know she does not love me or want me as a man.
Part of me says I took a step forward and the rest wants to breakdown because of what I know no I’m losing. So what now? How do I take the next step and in what direction? How do I talk to her more ?
Sunday night I found my $a!!& and out and out asked the wife if she was happy? And told her that I could not handle the loneliness anymore. That in 10 years, 5 years or next year I did not want our marriage the way it currently is or has been. And that I needed counselors help to sort things out. And that I loved her and always had, but I needed to be loved back. She sad that she had not been happy either and it was a lot due to her and “The Way She Was”. And she know that we had just become roommates and not husband and wife. She also said that hurting me was the last thing she had ever wanted to do (I got emotional when I told her how much I still loved her). She said that she loved me, but the love in her heart for me had just “disappeared” and was not there anymore. (That hurt!).
The oldest and grandkids are planning to be here over the Holidays so the Wife said Can We Wait until after the Holidays? And I said I don’t even want it then, but yes (the word divorce was never spoken). We both looked around and in bewilderment to the 23 years of history, both realizing that all we have together would not be much or just junk apart). And she held my head as I cried saying she was sorry. She said that as much as she disagrees with counseling she said I could talk to someone, but did not give the impression that she would go.
Yesterday and now today she has been distant what little time I have been home due to work. I still kissed her HI and Bye saying I love you (because I do) but also now having an empty spot down deep because I know she does not love me or want me as a man.
Part of me says I took a step forward and the rest wants to breakdown because of what I know no I’m losing. So what now? How do I take the next step and in what direction? How do I talk to her more ?
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