long time away

hello everyone it's been a very long time for me to be on here. i just wanted to post that i haven't forgoten nor will i ever the people that i have come across on this web site. i think of all of you often and wonder how you're doing on your journey of grief. well time has come and time goes by for me and actually looking back on everything there are alot of things that i am thankful for that i did not see or go through but the pain is still just as intense and real as it was the morning that i found out i lost kelly . i have had to learn to conquer new feelings as time goes by like the fear that i am slowly forgetting what my son was really like and the fear that some day i won't be able to remember his laugh or different things about him . i have many times felt kelly reach out to me  but i still have so much doubt and i let my self doubt so many things -the pain is unbearable but it seems that i have learned to accept it and i have hung on to it and i embrace it so that i seem  normal to others . i do have chels and she saves me most days -there is a new song out by rascal flatts called everyday you save my life that is my song to chels no matter how deep i go she always brings me back. we had kelly's memeorial party for him june 21 it was wonderful and sad it's like standing in the rain while the sun is shining on your face. that night we got a hail storm it hasn't hailed in lake milton for years and it was about 2 inches deep on the ground . everyone said it was him lol. who knows. so everything else in my life is probably pretty much the same as eveyone else -get up go to work take care of the dogs -i never ever felt like writing about any of that because i got on here to talk about kelly and that's what i like to do so to all who come across this journal new friend and old please don't think that theres ever a day that doesn't go by that i don't wonder how you're all doing and coping. take care  carol kellysmom