Long time....

Been sometime since I've been here. Not exactly sure how I am doing. Missing her lots, wanting to see and talk to her but I know it is for the best that I don't. Have gone NC for so long yet the pain is as if it was yesterday. I have to admit I am having good days but still there are more bad then good.

Was a lonely Christmas, all I could think about was her and her family Christmas. It was always such a great time with her family and kids running around. I found myself driving around and looking into windows of houses with family gatherings having such a good time... Did not receive any well wishes from friends of the past but it was expected as I have not heard from them since the breakup and they have pretty much cut me out anyways. Weird thing is, still struggle with the why when she is the one that walked out on me and the marriage.

Tears are not flowing as frequent  but still falling, I know one day they will stop. Hardest part is getting past being lonely, I do find that the toughest part especially when you have been with someone for so long.

The only thing that is helping me is living the present day, breaking things down into 24hr periods. Not looking in the past or the future, just the current day that I am living.

I guess enough of this, felt I had to get some of my thoughts down. Like I was told a long time ago, journal...