long time

I haven't written in a long time.. soo i'd better do that  its been rough. i have a lot to update you on. im at home and THAT is actually going good.. the day before i came home, it was not good with my mom but w.e its okay now. they love my cat.. well they dont like the name.. but they love him. they want to keep him for themselves. he is staying here at my parents until i get all the finals details worked out. the MAJOR thing that happened this week, is my social worker is quitting her job. im so sad. she was so cool..besides that I'm worried that my ED is going to come back.Just feeling fattttt fatt fattCant stand my boobscant stand how i lookcant stand my stomach i cant stand mei just want to start puking again or restricting.why?? why am I relapsing??and i dont wanna say anything to tracy on monday (which will be that day when u get this)cos she'll start on her i have an ed thing again and i'll be in denial againand we'll practically be fightingand she'll be like "im not going to listen to this.." or "you're going all negative on me again.." or "if you want to believe that sure"gahhhhim not dying or anything. i havent lost weightand she'll go into the "thats not the point katie.. you have the attitude of one right there."blah i love tracy. but sometimes shes soo annoying. gahhi know i need to get this Eating thing under control and we are working on it.. I promise!! celeste gave me some klonazapam as a as needed anxiety med during this holiday season.. GOOD THING.. just a lot of memories. childhood.. (candyland was my favorite game ever.. for therapy i am trying to recreate the good memories and i want to ask my therapist if she'll play candyland with me but i dont know if she'd do it, or if shes allowed to.then high school memories, the stuff with lee and joel... kaylee, katie, jaci, and them, what happened with carissa (forgave her but didnt forget how it affects me)boy/relationship problems.. when people get too close (especially sexually) I wig out and push away..just feel like i want to talk to someone who understands