Long Night

So here it is 4 m & i have yet to go to sleep lol. Its been awhile since I have been up all night like this & tha is a good thing . I am hoping tomarrow oh well today accually I will get to bed early & sleep GOOD !!! I think in many ways tonight was a good night accually. I talked to the ex & we had one of our conversations that simply go no where but in circles. He doesnt think he has a probablem & I know he does. He doesnt think its going to affect his kids in the long run & I pray hes right but I think hes very wrong. There was a time when I would have been horribly upset at this conversation & that  I cant get him to see. Tonight though im just sorta sad but over all see it as a affermation of all I already know. He will never admit hes a alcoholic, he will never admit he had issues & he in simply not capable of loveing me as I love him & he never will be. I am happy to see in myself that I am not devastated by this. I am not bawling my eyes out thinking how will I survive if he doesnt really love me . Im simply glad that its all over & that I am ready to move on. I am able to let go & not worry about him or stress about what he is doing . I am able to say oh well his choice he has to live with it not me :) I am able to be objective & not get caught up in the drama & just let it all go. This is HUGE for me !!!! Its been a very long time since I was able to do this :) I am very proud of myself right now. I dont even mind that I didnt get any sleep. That will catch up with me later lol. I am working on being more positive & doing postive things for myslef !!! I got a book on Yoga for Idiots :) Another book on medatation too :) I am intrested in learning more about natural remedies & spertual things to help me move on. Also I have one possible romantic intrest & maybe another one too. Im not in any hurry to find out where if anywhere these will go. I am happy to just take it a day at a time & relaxe & know if it is ment to be it will be :) I have a huge tendancy to over think & over analize things that dont need to be over thought lol. I am hoping the medation will help me with this !!! I feel like I am in a pritty good place right now & am continuing to grow & learn about myself & looking for other things to learn about !!!