Lonely Road

As I am sure each of you traveling this road when we lost our child It is the longest road and so lonely roads that have to travel and it is a road we travel alone..for this group and God I do not feel I could have made it these almost 4 years since Ken went to his Heavenly home.  For me the journey has been the toughest thing I have ever experienced. Each night when I go to bed, I am alone with my thoughts, my heartache, my memories.  Only me Is there wit my pain even if I were among hundreds of people, it is me alone that carries the pain that my son is no longer in my world. How much pain we carry, no other but another mother knows this pain, feels this pain that I carry alone.  Isn't it odd for the most of us the word carry brought to my mind starts in the beginning of my childs life.   For nine months I carried my son and brought him into this world. For me I can remember pain those nine months..i remember the labor of pain as I brought my beautiful son into this  world and now I carry the pain of his death.  It is still so hard to wrap around my head that this has or did happen. Still today the pain remains.  My heart still feels broken in a million pieces. I still feel I do not know how I continue to carry this pain..some memoies are sweet, like when he was not quite two years old standing up jumping up and down and laughing as we played, or the time when he was playing with his big ball. A smile was always on his face. A happy baby Ken was.  He rarely cried. He lovedhis mommie and daddy swinging him in the edge of the ocean waters. As each of us know we love the memories of our children. The memories can keep them alive in our minds our hearts, yet the hole is still so big in our hearts...day after day, month after month we still are alone as we carry our pain and we carry it alone.
As we continue to walk this lonely road, it is ours to carry alone. Each step we take down this road, we walk it alone.  A sad long road that at the end of the day is just ours. Ours alone this terrible pain we carry within us down the lonely road. May God give each of us some peace. 

Replies

Januaryice
Januaryice

Oh Sandi, no truer words were ever spoken. No one can feel this neverending heartbreak like us \"Mother\'s\" and yes, Peace to us all.
JennsMom66
JennsMom66

Yes, no one can know \"exactly\" what each of us feel, but the sisterhood of FMO makes this journey ever so less lonely and horrific
CFMOM2
CFMOM2

Peace with our memories till we meet again. Love to you!! Kathy
jmk1973
jmk1973

You wrote the words of my heart and every other moms heart, here on FMO. This is a never ending, road of pain. May God bless us all...
Andelene
Andelene

I walk beside you, my sweet friend. xxx
Livingjuicy
Livingjuicy

Hand in hand and Heart to heart we go and without the anchor places and shade trees along the path (FMO) and others who are our earth angels I can\'t even imagine where I would be today...

It is a path we must journey alone, yet I feel far less lonely because each of you are here holding my hand and heart.

Feeling yours in this moment and understanding in only the way that another mother can dear Sandi. So very grateful we have one another.

Loving care,
Joanie
Missinglisa
Missinglisa

I am with you on that lonely road. You are so right. No one can know what is in our hearts. Our SOTH do give us strength to take the next step. I know I would not be the person I am today without you and the women of FMO with me on this lonely road.
Love and big gentle hugs,
Marlene
ter1
ter1

Tight Hugs Sandi
sdigerolamo
sdigerolamo

We are all there with you.. It does hurt so much, especially for us. I often hear my daughter crying or see the deep depression in my husband, but can not help knowing that Vinny was \"mine\".. that I was and will always be the closest thing to him.. and everyone knew it, not just us. I am glad we have our group of \"MOM\" friends who understand that. Keep your chin up. Somehow we will get through this.
NellW
NellW

Thinking of you my Friend. You are in my thoughts and hope for you and all the Moms some peace during these upcoming holidays.
Nell
Sandi2947
Sandi2947

But for the love of each other and the hugs we feel around iis totally awesome although we would have never wanted to meet this way God always has a door opening for us even through our broken hearts. Thanksgiving is in two days and I want to say to FMO THANK YOU and to GOD THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO HOLD AND LOVE MY SON KENNY. Gone for now from my arms but know you waiting for me. Your mom loves and misses you till we are together again love mom