Lonely and Hurting
I really don't know anymore. I am having the worst day and nobody's been on to ease my pain. I guess everyone else has a life. I sure don't. I am all alone and i don't know what to do with myself. I'm having a mental breakdown and i just realized me smoking weed is just making my anxiety worse in the long run. It's not fair! Why does everything have to hurt so much!
Replies
Moving through and eventually into and past your grief isn\'t losing him. You\'re not going insane, you\'re not having a mental breakdown, this is grief. This is what grief is. A horrible little black ugly thing that won\'t let go. It is \"normal\". Smoking weed is not a good idea right now. Neither is drinking. both will make you feel worse. You need to see a grief counselor and probably a psychiatric nurse practitioner for anti-anxiety meds. Panic attacks are part of this,too. Every county has a mental health clinic where you should be able to be treated for free or very cheaply. FIND it, GO there. Let someone help you get through this, no matter how long it takes. You\'re only 19!! There\'s SO much good ahead of you, something is going to happen someday that will be SO good, I promise. Please get some help.
If by a life you mean very boring existence, then you\'d be right for me at least. Truly I spend most of my days with my cats - who like your beautiful Kairi - are my world. I think, like me, you\'re judging your life by the standards of other people and we really both need to stop doing that :)
I\'ve tried pot once around a month ago, and I understand why you smoke it. It makes you feel good in the moment. I was abusing my diazepam (valium) after my dog passed away in May. And while, like your marijuana, it made me feel good in the moment when I came down I really came down. That\'s not to say that the educated usage of either diazepam or marijuana is bad, but it must be used properly and with a smart head.
I agree with Ellzeena about finding a mental health clinic. They can really provide you an individual recovery program, and they can inspire you to keep on the straight and narrow. I really hope you\'ll keep us updated on how everything is going and just know that you\'re not alone, and there are friends here at DS that love and care about you.
yes thank you, im just trying to stay strong while i have my ups and downs. Yes my kitty Kairi means so much to me. Shes the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. I never did want to get help before cause i was to stubborn to admit i needed it but now im just tired of hurting and getting nowhere. I want to be out there and enjoy my life- the hardest part right now is cause i have no friends but i do try it just seems no one else does. I am just trying to keep things under control, including the marijuana and i just really hope someday, someday soon, that things will finally look up for me.