Loneliness returns

Sundays are always the hardest. Now that I'm at a point in my life where it's necessary to do more reflection, I realize it's been this way for years. When I'd work six-day workweeks, Sunday was the only day to take care of errands and chores with no time left for enjoyment. With a five-day workweek, I have ample opportunity to make plans for something fun. Local friends are too passive and if I waited for even one of our plans to actually happen, I'd likely wait years. It's common for others to back out at the last minute. It's more common that I have to initiate the plan-making. No one ever makes plans with me and the excuse is that they all think I'm too busy even after I've explained my work schedule....So what does this say about my local friends? Not much. A couple of out of state friends are very supportive and contact me on a regular basis but are too far away to visit. I like work. I like my hobbies. Actually, I enjoy both immensely. Even with that, they do seem lackluster after a while when there's never anyone to share them with.   I miss having a significant other! All the years of helping with Dad's care satisfied. My nurturing side. I've discovered the landscape of dating to be a whole lot different than 9 years ago and....weird. I will never believe that all single men my age or older are all hung up on their concept of "a perfect woman" for them and/or on something from their past. Holy cow! Also there are so many more ways to be rejected now too (through text or social media or dating websites) and too many people don't have scruples about being rude and/or mean to another stranger through the comfortable anonymity of the Internet. I struggle with others' cynicism and apathy.  
I know I need to contact Hospice's Pathways of Hope to set up counseling. During the day, I get caught up in work and forget. Nighttime always reminds me. I'm usually good at maintaining self-motivation, but better at procrastinating what I think may be difficult or complicated. Meanwhile, grief coupled with depression weighs me down to bouts of inactivity still.