Loneliness
I've have been sad today. It's Saturday. I hate the weekends since Brownie died. We did things on the weekends. Not going anywhere big. Just things we did together. Maybe go to Lowes and stop by the grocery store. Choose what's for dinner, together. He would mow the yard. I would watch, then put out the sprinkler if necessary. We would trim bushes, plant something I bought from Lowes. Talk to the neighbors. Sit on the porch, watch the squirrels and birds in the morning with our coffee. Things a lot of people would find boring. I loved being boring. We use to laugh about how boring we were and we liked it that way. It's different being bored alone. I have realized I was never bored when Brownie was alive. We both mistaked being content with boredom. I'm bored now. I really know what being bored is now. I don't like bored. I wonder if I will ever be content again. It's sad not being content. I'm lonely to. Weekends make the loneliness more apparent. I don't like lonely either. Being sad and lonely mixed with boredom is really not good. Sometimes it makes me cry. I don't like to cry. This journal entry sounds like it was written by a drunk. I don't even drink. My neighbor always says, " it is what it is" not in reference to Brownie being deceased, but to everything else. For some reason that statement comes to mind when I think of Brownie being gone. I don't like that statement either. I have to find my way back to life again. I hope I do. I have spoken with others here that have, so I know it's possible. They did it. I hope I can. I'm dont feel very confident about it. I'm praying I can. Take care. I miss you and love you Brownie. Sigh. Linda
Replies
The sad stories are you working through all of the trials and tribulations of the grief process. And you just do not know it now but it gets you that one baby step forward as you are dealing through it. Sigh is very good word and your writing is very good feelings I wish you did not have to feel. So here is a hug for today from the PNW
Thank you for the hug. I so need to toughen up and be the strong person I have been my whole life. I just don\'t know how to handle the loneliness. I\'m not a outgoing person that makes friends easily and I\'m shy so where does that leave me. I guess I will manage things. I always have but knowing someone cared enough to send me a hug helps. Thanks again. Take care. Linda
Linda we all share your feelings of loneliness, sadness and fear of what the future will hold for us. You are reaching out to meeting people through DS and it is a format where you can share your pain and at the same time help people with their pain like you have helped me. So you do have the ability to meet people. this is a strong fear that I have also is when the time is right how will I meet someone to possibly bring joy to my life once again. It is too early to plan what the future will hold but maybe just try to plan one small event for the upcoming weekend to try get through the weekend and then use that to help build onto for the following week end. If it is too much too handle don\'t feel you have to do it you. hopefully today you may have a memory of Brownie that makes you smile.
I understand how you miss the little things you did with Brownie. That\'s what a marriage is made of. I\'m sorry you are bored and unhappy. It\'s not fair is it? I\'m glad you are here at DS. I will do what I can to support you, just as you have supported me. Chris
Thank you lonely60 and Chris. We all have a rough road to travel. I so appreciate your comments and encouragement. I hope one day we are all able to deal with our loss better. It\'s nice to know people take time out of their day to try to help. It\'s evening here in Virginia and I am feeling a little better. Oops doorbell. Got to go. Night
Linda,
Ben passed 14 months ago.....I still get sad days. The loneliness was ok until I began to get that Bored feeling...that started to bother me......for some reason since Ben!s passing, I have become more timid and not wanting to be a part of life .....I made the decision to take classes and start to join life again. I have registered for Fall programmes...mostly interest classes....Art, computer, aqua fit....and Italian cooking .....I have to break the boredom cycle...not good!!!
I wish you lived closer, we could go together......thinking of you......BIG Hugs...
Sandra.....18th August
Thank you Sandra I appreciated your writing to me. I get bored so easily. I just have to get out of this out. I just go and drive just to get out. I guess time will take care of things. What a hard, sad road to have to travel. (((Hugs))) Linda