Lonely

I'm lonely today and feeling a bit down.  God how I want to medicate these feelings with beer or sex or something.  Adding insult to injury doesn't seem the way recovery works.  In addition the OCD doesn't help much.  I rarely can focus on what's right with the world, everything seems to be mechanical with no real personality to it.    If things be so impersonal what's the point?   Any way it's probably just a mood that I'm in right now.  Difficulties separating mood from reality.  Reality actually states that it isn't so bad, not as bad as I make it.  I just wish someone would be my friend.  I come to the bottom seeking friendship with people online.  Part addiction, part obsessive compulsive, that's me.  fuck.