Living vs. Existing
Thursday, June 18, 2009 – 10:30 A.M. I started the week feeling super good on Monday, but have been depressed since then. There are too many things swirling around in my already cluttered mind, and not all of them are good. My life seems to be without any purpose or meaning. What is the purpose of struggling for nothing? I don’t have any offline friends, and that is hurting me. So, too, is the fact that I don’t know how to have fun. In nice weather, such as we are having now, I am able to get out and go places, but I do not even know where to go. I’m a real mess! With the exceptions of going to appointments, or to see my family, I have practically turned into a modern-day hermit. I am actually afraid to go anywhere alone. I don’t like living like this – if you can call it living. I would say it’s more like just existing.
Replies
Don\'t the big bookstores have events? Ours have both book AND music people show up to sign or perform.
Find things happening that you like, and try just saying hi to other folks that go, and take small social steps.
I told you \'my guys\', The King\'s Singers will be in Denver in the fall. So there\'s something for you to look forward to.
Talk to your therapy team...... Maybe they have suggestions. Maybe you can start a group of people to meet up who also have trouble being out.
And - there\'s always volunteer work. Or, your journalism degree.
Just trying to brainstorm, I know this is a difficult thing for you.
Here\'s my guys, circa 1987:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSNZMIdfvUI
Hugs and Mojo
Weebs
I agree with Weebs there must be something you can do to pull yourself out of the rut you are in. I can quite understand you but it would be good to try otherwise you\'ll never move forward with your life. Once you have overcome that obstacle the rest will hopefully get easier. Feel the fear but do it anyway
I feel the same way, Jim. I think this is because of depression. Although I do have offline friends I almost never see them because I never feel like leaving my house. I am forced to get out for the sake of my son but it isn\'t easy. I\'m still waiting for the depression to lift.
If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. What is going on with the therapy dog? Any news on that?
Are you working these days? I\'ve been told volunteering is the way to step back into society and see if work is feasible. I\'m sure your skills could be put to great use.
I also think it\'s a good sign you felt good on Monday. I\'m sure it wasn\'t too long ago that you couldn\'t even remember a good day. Perhaps if we start focusing on our good days, we may be able to feel more of them? I always get confused between acceptance and fighting the feelings. Accepting depression has never gotten me out of it before but accepting sadness has gotten me through those moments.
You have received some good advice through the above comments of your dear friends.
I do, however, understand how your are feeling right now.
I hate to hear myself say it, because that is exactly what I need to do myself.
This is the time we need to stretch and force ourselves to make a change in our lives. Even just a little change will be for the better.
I have been in the place where I have an opportunity to do something and can not think of a damn thing that I want to do.
Sam, is right. This is partly because of the depression.
The rest may be because we have been focused on feeling pain and then on recovery issues, we did not have the time to learn how to have fun or how to play. So, with that in mind, this is a good thing.
Now is the time to develop a pleasant interest that will help us to grow a little more into the being more of who we are now.
You are a very intelligent man.
You have helped many on DS.
There just may be something in your area that would be suitable for your high level of expertise.
Volunteer work would give you a focus. You would also have contact with others, which just might foster more friendships.
Will your transportation service take you to places like the movies or a concert or some entertainment presentation in your area ?
I know I am filled with anxiety and self consciousness when I initially do something like this. But, the more I do it, the more comfortable I become.
How about a trip to the library ?
What about signing up for some type of course in your area where you can learn something you might like to do ?
There are book club meetings in my area and I live in a small town.
Perhaps you might like to check up on this.
What about your jazz interests...anything click on that pleasant endeavor ?
I am not sure about your physical limitations.
Are you able to use a standard telephone ?
If not, I am truly sorry for bungling and mentioning it.
If you are able to do so, what about volunteering on a crisis line or some other support group ?
There may be self help support groups you can join in your area.
Friendships are made there.
You have always solved every problem that you mentioned on in your journals.
There is no doubt you will resolve this issue.
Hi Jim I understand how you feel. Because I feel like that too. I am afraid to go anywhere alone. I have always had someone with me all my life. A parent a sister or cousin, I have always felt I had a good existence but never a life like others do. If there is a coffee shop near you. Maybe you could go there sit and relax have a cofffee and clear your head. Many hugs-Stephanie